Alcoholic Relapse

Yesterday my son came over and informed me that his father had relapsed on alcohol and smoking. He was, of course, very upset. First his dad offered him a beer, and when he said "sure", his dad ordered one for himself also. My son was stunned. Twenty years ago my ex husband stopped drinking, six years ago he stopped smoking. His drinking stopped when he lost his job and was given the ultimatum of rehab to get his job back. His smoking stopped when he was hospitalized with a collapsed lung. It's taken an awful lot to get this man to respond.

Personally, I believe Rick, my ex, has been given his warnings. I believe he's choosing to ignore those warnings. Finally, I believe that he's not going to get any more warnings but that he is going to kill himself.

I have never seen a worse drunk than my ex husband and I have been in AA and sober for sixteen years myself. I just don't think he's gonna make it back.

I'm sure there are going to be blessings from this experience for my two sons, but right now its difficult to see. My youngest has the tendency to become addicted to mood altering vices. Hopefully, he will witness why it's important to take care of yourself and not become attached to things that are destructive.

My very best right now is to pray for all of them and hope that their father really can find recovery, and/or my youngest will find it also. My oldest son has belonged to alanon for a couple years now and has changed his life.

On a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate my relationship with my family as an 8. In order for it to be a 10 I, myself would be going to alanon meetings, and I would be making an effort to have family dinners.

Saturday Entertainment

Creating space for fun and entertainment is one of my most difficult areas. I rarely understand what it is I find fun to do and I don't know why this is. What is fun? What is entertaining? If I had to rate this area on a scale of one to ten I'd have to say its at about a two. I'm rating it so low because I generally don't do "fun" things. My focus is usually on work or relaxation. Certainly relaxation is fun to me, sitting in silence for hours is fun for me, but it's certainly not entertaining. It's quite limiting.

I'd love to hear from others what and where they find fun and entertainment in their lives. Is it possible I don't understand the concept?

Today I will stretch myself to discover what is fun and entertaining to me. I'll post what I find at the end of the day.

Well, I tried a few new things today to see if I found them entertaining or fun.

• Hung out at Borders Book store and looked at some art, fashion, and exercise books.
  
• I packed a lunch for a picnic, ate some in my car, some on the nature trails.
• I went to the very short nature trails by my home.
  
• I watched a comedy movie on television
• I spent the day in silence, peacefulness, and contentment.
  
• I drove around and looked at landscaping I enjoyed.
  
• I played around with space planning for a friends loft.
• I made myself and incredible salad for dinner that I enjoyed very much.

In all honesty, I felt like I was pressuring myself to find something fun. I was disappointed that I wasn't really able to. What I enjoyed most about this day was the peace and quiet and the healthy foods that I prepared for myself. Going to the book store and to the nature trails were new things I was trying to see if they were fun. I was thinking that fun and entertainment meant that I needed to "do" something. What I learned today is that fun and entertainment is not necessarily something outside of me, I can be fun and entertained just by enjoying a day alone.

I'm going to raise my rating of fun from the two that I thought it was earlier to an eight. I feel so content this evening, spiritually centered, loving, and peaceful. That's fun!