Had a shake with 1 tsp of flax seed oil this am. Packed 1/8 cup of nuts. Had another shake about 2:00 just before heading to my doctors appointment. Ate the nuts after the appointment.
At my doctors suggestion, I planned to see a hypnotist regarding my sugar addiction. At the end of the workday I reluctantly went in for the appointment. It ended up being a fantastic session. left with a new assignment; listening to a hypnosis cd for the next 21 days. I'll add that to my goals at www.joesgoals.com and track it. I can honestly see where this type of therapy could be extremely affective. Other than a few coughing fits during the session, I was able to stay in the hypnotized state.
The suggestions made during hypnosis were that I would see sugar as just another object, that I would prefer the sugar of fresh fruits and vegetables, that I would prefer the taste of water to sugary tasting drinks. At one point it was stated that I would feel repulsed by sugary foods, they would taste almost sickening, they would taste 10 times sweeter.
I have done group hypnosis in the past specifically for weight loss but it just didn't take. This session was quite different than the group one though. Her voice fluctuated a lot, I could actually feel what she was saying in my chest. Also, at times she said things that weren't how they are stated in proper english. Fortunately she warned me of this ahead of time so that I wouldn't get caught up on it.
When I came home from hypnosis I was far over the amount of time I should have allowed between meals. I was hungry and wanted to just grab something and veg out in front of the tv. What I ended up doing though is preparing a healthy snack/meal of hommus (my legume), veggies with 3 tsp of oil and wheat pita bread. It tasted fantastic and I felt like I was just grabbing something and vegging out. It felt almost effortless to make that healthy treat.
I missed some of my foods today, I ended up having a 3rd shake today in error, but, since I missed foods its probably for the better.
Snacking on grapes in bed and preparing to listen to the cd.
I weighed in at 170 today.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
CFM - Day 24
I can tell my hemoglobin has dropped and I am becoming out of breath too easily and I am also overly tired. Damn. I am frustrated with having this problem. I really want it solved. It seems like each time I become aware that I am not falling asleep in the daytime, feeling more energetic than I have in years. . . . I start bleeding heavily and lose the energy. This is such bullshit.
Met with my client today, it was almost more of a social meeting than anything. I'm really trying to get this project rolling, or getting momentum under the rolling and sometimes it goes well other times not so well.
I ate okay today, not great though. I've been tracking my eating on www.joesgoals.com. My exercise has stopped again and I have no desire to start up again. Why? Why? Why will I not get this one? What is blocking me from the exercise routine? When I was skinny, about 115 pounds, I had no problem getting to the gym a few times a week. It felt good, I felt good going, I enjoyed. Now, 50 pounds heavier, I almost refuse to go, I resist it, I fight it, I ignore it and I refuse to put it on my schedule. In the past I didn't even need to put it on my schedule, I just stopped in in the evening hours and put in an hour. It was lovely. Since I moved from that gym I have always had to force myself. What's the deal.
When I start school next week I plan on changing gyms again. Its my goal to go to the gym at the college either before, between or after class. I may be trying to recreate my first experience at college - which was fabulous, but I realize its not recreatable unless I pay down my home by about $250,000.
Met with my client today, it was almost more of a social meeting than anything. I'm really trying to get this project rolling, or getting momentum under the rolling and sometimes it goes well other times not so well.
I ate okay today, not great though. I've been tracking my eating on www.joesgoals.com. My exercise has stopped again and I have no desire to start up again. Why? Why? Why will I not get this one? What is blocking me from the exercise routine? When I was skinny, about 115 pounds, I had no problem getting to the gym a few times a week. It felt good, I felt good going, I enjoyed. Now, 50 pounds heavier, I almost refuse to go, I resist it, I fight it, I ignore it and I refuse to put it on my schedule. In the past I didn't even need to put it on my schedule, I just stopped in in the evening hours and put in an hour. It was lovely. Since I moved from that gym I have always had to force myself. What's the deal.
When I start school next week I plan on changing gyms again. Its my goal to go to the gym at the college either before, between or after class. I may be trying to recreate my first experience at college - which was fabulous, but I realize its not recreatable unless I pay down my home by about $250,000.
CFM - Day 23
Out of bed at 6am to take husband to airport. Getting up at odd hours seems to really mess with my day. Returned from airport went back to bed, couldn't sleep, too tired to get up though. ended up playing on the computer and falling asleep at noon. Back up at 2:30 to get ready to go to my sons for dinner. Dinner was very healthy, met all my needs on the plan and I didn't even have a craving to eat ice cream for dessert - even though they were begging me to try it.
I again had the craving to eat sugar on the drive home from Lansing, about 1.5 hours drive. I resisted the urge and made it through another day without eating sugar! Fantastic!
Still have a cold, still having too heavy of a period, am feeling the beginnings of the anemia again. Need to call the doctor and get my medication changed. I'm on this medication because I do not plan on getting a hysterectomy and am searching for another means of correcting the problem without having to go to the extremes of surgery.
I start school in 2 weeks and am getting both nervous and excited. Hopefully my student aid will come through in time, if not I'll have to pay the dues from another source.
I again had the craving to eat sugar on the drive home from Lansing, about 1.5 hours drive. I resisted the urge and made it through another day without eating sugar! Fantastic!
Still have a cold, still having too heavy of a period, am feeling the beginnings of the anemia again. Need to call the doctor and get my medication changed. I'm on this medication because I do not plan on getting a hysterectomy and am searching for another means of correcting the problem without having to go to the extremes of surgery.
I start school in 2 weeks and am getting both nervous and excited. Hopefully my student aid will come through in time, if not I'll have to pay the dues from another source.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
CFM - Day 22
Didn't go to bed until 3am last night, woke up at 9:30. I'm going to stay on my eating and exercise program today, hang out with my husband, be nice, and just take care of myself. We plan on going to the gym together and going downtown to the Eastern Market.
Its 1:30 and I've only had a shake, a tsp of oil, and 1/8 cup of nuts. Need to get off my ass and do something.
By the end of the day I have eaten all my foods according to plan. I didn't work out because of very heavy bleeding (obviously my medicine to completely stop this is not working).
Tonight I wanted to eat something with sugar, it kept talking to me from the back of my mind. At one point I decided to run to the store and I felt like I wanted to get sugar. As I was walking out the door I started thinking about how bad I feel the day after I eat a bunch of sugar, actually I recognized that it was going to screw me up for about three days after I ate it only to start the cycle all over again. I didn't want to feel like that. This is a MAJOR victory for me. The agreement I made with myself instead was that I could have something that was not on the plan for a snack food, but that it needed to be something without sugar.
I struggled while at the store, but I felt the decision and determination to follow the plan. I looked at trail mix, but I didn't want to load up with that many calories and the dried fruits have a lot of sugar. I looked at nuts, but again, the calories are so high for the size snack I wanted. I decided on those gold fish crackers, one because I like them, and secondly because I can eat 60 of them and only take on 130 calories. I'm so proud of myself for coming up with this solution.
I actually heard myself going through the denial conversation in my head, "well, I just want to get some m&m's, it'll be okay, I can have them." When I heard that lie playing in my head I wanted to laugh/scoff at it. "Your never going to stop this if you don't stop now, just give it up. Get over it. Its over. You don't want the hangover, the cravings, the problems. Just stop."
Its 1:30 and I've only had a shake, a tsp of oil, and 1/8 cup of nuts. Need to get off my ass and do something.
By the end of the day I have eaten all my foods according to plan. I didn't work out because of very heavy bleeding (obviously my medicine to completely stop this is not working).
Tonight I wanted to eat something with sugar, it kept talking to me from the back of my mind. At one point I decided to run to the store and I felt like I wanted to get sugar. As I was walking out the door I started thinking about how bad I feel the day after I eat a bunch of sugar, actually I recognized that it was going to screw me up for about three days after I ate it only to start the cycle all over again. I didn't want to feel like that. This is a MAJOR victory for me. The agreement I made with myself instead was that I could have something that was not on the plan for a snack food, but that it needed to be something without sugar.
I struggled while at the store, but I felt the decision and determination to follow the plan. I looked at trail mix, but I didn't want to load up with that many calories and the dried fruits have a lot of sugar. I looked at nuts, but again, the calories are so high for the size snack I wanted. I decided on those gold fish crackers, one because I like them, and secondly because I can eat 60 of them and only take on 130 calories. I'm so proud of myself for coming up with this solution.
I actually heard myself going through the denial conversation in my head, "well, I just want to get some m&m's, it'll be okay, I can have them." When I heard that lie playing in my head I wanted to laugh/scoff at it. "Your never going to stop this if you don't stop now, just give it up. Get over it. Its over. You don't want the hangover, the cravings, the problems. Just stop."
Friday, August 10, 2007
CFM - Day 21
Did not set an alarm this morning, woke up at 8:30 am. Felt dizzy and disoriented, unstable on my feet. Not sure if having a reaction to medicine or not. I'm taking 24 hour allergy and cough medicine.
Anyway, I'm going to force, make, push, whatever myself to get back into action today. I'm feeling much better and I need to take some action steps with myself and my business. Its been many days since I've been to the gym and I'm wanting to get a workout in. Have a date with my husband this evening also since he'll be going out of town for a week beginning Sunday.
Word of warning/reminder to self: in the past when my husband goes out of town, my food goes downhill. I have a tendency to not take care of myself. I do not want this to happen this time and I will take the steps necessary to insure that this doesn't. One thing I can do is to make sure my refrigerator is stocked with foods from my eating plan. I can cut up vegetables in advance so that they are ready for me to just grab. I can make dishes and freeze them so I can pull them out when I'm ready to eat. The bottom line is that I need to make a plan for myself and my self care.
Also, since we gave the cleaning pe0ple notice, I need to figure out a way and/or schedule for my husband and I to clean our home.
Finally, I'm wavering on whether or not I should take a math class in addition to the two architecture classes I'm taking. I'm concerned that if I don't take a math class I'll put myself behind in the architecture program. On the other side, I'm afraid that I'll be taking on too many classes. Hmm. Since I'm 50/50 on this issue, I'll flip a coin and see what I should do.
I did well with my food today. I ate all of the portions I should have, I went over on hommus and grain, BUT, I didn't eat anything with sugar, I maintained my blood sugar levels and I was able to overcome a mild mental sugar craving. Worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and did 15 minutes of abs.
Still fighting with husband though. We seem to be stuck in this battle regarding criticism and taking care of yourself. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but it does seem to be getting better. Hopefully we're picking up some useful tools or information along the way so we can better maneuver our way through this issue. Mine, I need to get softer, his, he needs to toughen up.
I believe I need to start attending Overeaters Anonymous again to deal with my eating problem. Hmmmm
Anyway, I'm going to force, make, push, whatever myself to get back into action today. I'm feeling much better and I need to take some action steps with myself and my business. Its been many days since I've been to the gym and I'm wanting to get a workout in. Have a date with my husband this evening also since he'll be going out of town for a week beginning Sunday.
Word of warning/reminder to self: in the past when my husband goes out of town, my food goes downhill. I have a tendency to not take care of myself. I do not want this to happen this time and I will take the steps necessary to insure that this doesn't. One thing I can do is to make sure my refrigerator is stocked with foods from my eating plan. I can cut up vegetables in advance so that they are ready for me to just grab. I can make dishes and freeze them so I can pull them out when I'm ready to eat. The bottom line is that I need to make a plan for myself and my self care.
Also, since we gave the cleaning pe0ple notice, I need to figure out a way and/or schedule for my husband and I to clean our home.
Finally, I'm wavering on whether or not I should take a math class in addition to the two architecture classes I'm taking. I'm concerned that if I don't take a math class I'll put myself behind in the architecture program. On the other side, I'm afraid that I'll be taking on too many classes. Hmm. Since I'm 50/50 on this issue, I'll flip a coin and see what I should do.
I did well with my food today. I ate all of the portions I should have, I went over on hommus and grain, BUT, I didn't eat anything with sugar, I maintained my blood sugar levels and I was able to overcome a mild mental sugar craving. Worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and did 15 minutes of abs.
Still fighting with husband though. We seem to be stuck in this battle regarding criticism and taking care of yourself. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but it does seem to be getting better. Hopefully we're picking up some useful tools or information along the way so we can better maneuver our way through this issue. Mine, I need to get softer, his, he needs to toughen up.
I believe I need to start attending Overeaters Anonymous again to deal with my eating problem. Hmmmm
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