Today I Choose HEALTH

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would have to rate where I am at in regards to my health at about a 6. In order for this number to be a 10 I need to increase my hemoglobin, recover from a cold, eat according to the eating plan prescribed to me, follow up with my doctors appointments, make a commitment to an exercise regime, and create a balance in my daily schedule.

What I am doing today to improve my health:

• Scheduled a follow up appointment with my doctor to review a medication that is not working and contributing to my problems with anemia.
  
• Began a program to eliminate one of my anti-depressant medications.
  
• Scheduled a mammogram appointment.
• Listened to my hypnosis tape this morning to help me overcome an addiction to sugar and sugar cravings.
  
• I am making a commitment to the Body for Life workout program. I've printed up the workout forms, put it in my food journal folder, and went to the gym.
• I was larger than my cravings today.
  
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CFM - Day 26

Started my morning by listening to the hypnosis cd. Felt kind of tired and moved in slow motion this morning. Went to clients, had to hang out for a couple hours doing nothing while waiting for contractors to complete their work. Again, felt tired, antisocial, awkward, didn't want to entertain my clients dramas.

Had a shake this morning, packed nuts for the road, had another shake before running out the door to my clients since it was so close to lunch time. While at my clients instead of eating the nuts I packed first, I made myself another shake believing it was my second shake of the day. I did this same thing yesterday also. Very odd.

I'm drinking a lot of water today, and it does taste fantastic! Also, the meal I made for myself last night was so wonderful that I made another one this evening. I should probably add some shrimp to it though so I can stay close on my program

This evening I had problems with sugar cravings and wanted to go out and get some m&m's. I ended up grabbing some tangerines instead. What was great was that ususally when I begin to get into the craving I'm not able to get my mind off of it for very long. I rarely have the thought of something else to take the place of the craving. It was an aha moment to think the thought of the tangerines.

Actually almost craving water. hmmmm

Finally, again had a craving for that elusive "something" and decided to make put together the remaining items on my food plan. It was late so I wasn't overly excited about cooking, but, I had 6 oz of shrimp, and cooked onions and tomatoes in the remaining 4 tsp of oil.

Didn't work out today and I have it my schedule for tomorrow. I'll go after I get out of my second doctors appointment - early evening.

CFM - Day 25

Had a shake with 1 tsp of flax seed oil this am. Packed 1/8 cup of nuts. Had another shake about 2:00 just before heading to my doctors appointment. Ate the nuts after the appointment.

At my doctors suggestion, I planned to see a hypnotist regarding my sugar addiction. At the end of the workday I reluctantly went in for the appointment. It ended up being a fantastic session. left with a new assignment; listening to a hypnosis cd for the next 21 days. I'll add that to my goals at www.joesgoals.com and track it. I can honestly see where this type of therapy could be extremely affective. Other than a few coughing fits during the session, I was able to stay in the hypnotized state.

The suggestions made during hypnosis were that I would see sugar as just another object, that I would prefer the sugar of fresh fruits and vegetables, that I would prefer the taste of water to sugary tasting drinks. At one point it was stated that I would feel repulsed by sugary foods, they would taste almost sickening, they would taste 10 times sweeter.

I have done group hypnosis in the past specifically for weight loss but it just didn't take. This session was quite different than the group one though. Her voice fluctuated a lot, I could actually feel what she was saying in my chest. Also, at times she said things that weren't how they are stated in proper english. Fortunately she warned me of this ahead of time so that I wouldn't get caught up on it.

When I came home from hypnosis I was far over the amount of time I should have allowed between meals. I was hungry and wanted to just grab something and veg out in front of the tv. What I ended up doing though is preparing a healthy snack/meal of hommus (my legume), veggies with 3 tsp of oil and wheat pita bread. It tasted fantastic and I felt like I was just grabbing something and vegging out. It felt almost effortless to make that healthy treat.

I missed some of my foods today, I ended up having a 3rd shake today in error, but, since I missed foods its probably for the better.

Snacking on grapes in bed and preparing to listen to the cd.

I weighed in at 170 today.

CFM - Day 24

I can tell my hemoglobin has dropped and I am becoming out of breath too easily and I am also overly tired. Damn. I am frustrated with having this problem. I really want it solved. It seems like each time I become aware that I am not falling asleep in the daytime, feeling more energetic than I have in years. . . . I start bleeding heavily and lose the energy. This is such bullshit.

Met with my client today, it was almost more of a social meeting than anything. I'm really trying to get this project rolling, or getting momentum under the rolling and sometimes it goes well other times not so well.

I ate okay today, not great though. I've been tracking my eating on www.joesgoals.com. My exercise has stopped again and I have no desire to start up again. Why? Why? Why will I not get this one? What is blocking me from the exercise routine? When I was skinny, about 115 pounds, I had no problem getting to the gym a few times a week. It felt good, I felt good going, I enjoyed. Now, 50 pounds heavier, I almost refuse to go, I resist it, I fight it, I ignore it and I refuse to put it on my schedule. In the past I didn't even need to put it on my schedule, I just stopped in in the evening hours and put in an hour. It was lovely. Since I moved from that gym I have always had to force myself. What's the deal.

When I start school next week I plan on changing gyms again. Its my goal to go to the gym at the college either before, between or after class. I may be trying to recreate my first experience at college - which was fabulous, but I realize its not recreatable unless I pay down my home by about $250,000.

CFM - Day 23

Out of bed at 6am to take husband to airport. Getting up at odd hours seems to really mess with my day. Returned from airport went back to bed, couldn't sleep, too tired to get up though. ended up playing on the computer and falling asleep at noon. Back up at 2:30 to get ready to go to my sons for dinner. Dinner was very healthy, met all my needs on the plan and I didn't even have a craving to eat ice cream for dessert - even though they were begging me to try it.

I again had the craving to eat sugar on the drive home from Lansing, about 1.5 hours drive. I resisted the urge and made it through another day without eating sugar! Fantastic!

Still have a cold, still having too heavy of a period, am feeling the beginnings of the anemia again. Need to call the doctor and get my medication changed. I'm on this medication because I do not plan on getting a hysterectomy and am searching for another means of correcting the problem without having to go to the extremes of surgery.

I start school in 2 weeks and am getting both nervous and excited. Hopefully my student aid will come through in time, if not I'll have to pay the dues from another source.

CFM - Day 18

Stuck at home with a cold and fever. Foods way off - so far off I'm not even going to bother. Incredibly, I tried all day to overcome my sugar cravings, but, at 8pm I ended up going out and getting 2 14 oz bags of peanut m&m's. What a druggie!? I could not stop myself and didn't or don't have enough tools in place to get outside help to stop me. This is ridiculous. Of course, the sugar is going to, in the end, make me feel worse. I know this and I don't have enough to stop this on my own. I hate this part of me. I ate the 1 14 oz bag and than part of the 2nd bag.

CFM - Day 14

Today I didn't set an alarm and I woke up at 8:30. I have a fairly open day today, many things I could be doing, nothing I have to be doing. I'll be focusing on my own house today though. Our electrician is going to be at our condo today (a renovation project almost completed) and, since he's relapsed on drugs, I've asked my husband to be there so I feel safer. The electrician is actually a friend of my husbands from AA so he's much more comfortable than I am.

I plan on taking EXTREME care of myself today. Later. . . . . well, no extreme care taken today.

I did well throughout the day, ran late in a meeting this evening and was overly hungry by the time I arrived at the restaurant. Oh well, did my best to maintain a reasonable eating plan. 2 or 3 (probably 3) pieces of bread, a cucumber and yogurt dip, and octopus - fantastic dinner. Then went next door and got an ice cream cone with a single scoop. I'm happy with how I ate today, happy that I was able to deal with the feeling that there might not be enough food for me. There was plenty and I didn't feel like I needed more.

Went for a walk for about 25 minutes outside. Had a few meetings I had to get to so I cut it a little short.

Spent the evening arguing with my husband. Was REALLY pissed off at him tonight - stormed out of the house, accidently cracked the mirror on the back of my door. I was MADDER than I ever recall being. I actually wanted to hit him - I have NEVER felt that way! It was really awful.
Don't know if we worked through it or not, but, we are sleeping in seperate beds tonight.

Medically Assigned Eating Plan

Here is the eating plan that my doctor has instructed me to follow:

• 2 "Medical Food" Shakes
• 3 Vegetables
• 1 Vegetable #2 (ie 1/2 sweet potato, carrot, beets)
• 4 Oils (canola, olive, flax)
• 2 Protein (3 ounces each)
• 2 Fruits
• 1 Nuts/Seeds (100 calorie serving; just under 1/4 cup)
• 1 Whole Grain
• 1 Legume (1/2 cup serving)

This works out to approximately 1300 calories, I am to be eating approximately every 3 hours.

In addition to this eating plan I need to exercise 45-60 minutes of cardio daily and 15 to 30 minutes of weight training every other day.