Finding My Step

I've had a whirlwind of activity in my life for the past two months and am very much looking forward to things settling down.

I'm in my new home, for the most part unpacked, still getting organized and am working on creating a routine or pattern to my days and weeks.

I now have to schedule in the laundry mat, I no longer have my favorite market that I went to weekly, I don't have as many household responsibilities, I'm not familiar with where to shop for the best deals. Meijers, Target, Best Buy. . . . . . . none of these stores exist in Detroit and I'm wanting to be able to spend my dollars here in the city.

I'm working on creating a healthy, productive schedule that's going to take care of me in a positive, balanced way. For the past few days, I've begun my mornings by attending a 7am Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Grosse Point, and then heading to the new YMCA in downtown Detroit. Because I recognize that I can become obsessive about setting goals, I've decided to allow this pattern to develop and repeat itself until it becomes a habit. I don't plan on becoming rigid about adding other plans to my schedule, however, I'll look for new things to do that will make my life feel fabulous and fulfilling.

This past weekend my husband and I went to the Detroit Farmers Market. What a fantastic way to spend an afternoon! I LOVE to feel as if I'm getting a bargain, and this is definitely a place for bargains. A box of fresh, juicy clementines for $2.00, eggs fresh from the farm, large bags of apples for $4.00! Then we discovered there was a meat market across the street which we hadn't seen before. They had a special on N.Y. Strips for $2.95 a pound, and their prices for Amish chickens and turkeys are better than what they're charging in the grocery stores for just regular hormone filled chickens. It really was a fun time and I came home with plenty of fresh food for the week, and plans to return again this weekend.

I've determined that there's not a lot I can do about my employment until after my surgery, although I have been applying for jobs and following up on leads and referrals that I've come across. Hopefully this effort will pay off for when I'm back on my feet and able to get back to work. In the meantime, we continue to tithe 10% back for what God has given us and have been receiving many rich rewards because of it.

So, although finding my step is a bit of a challenge, I'm finding it to be a fun challenge. There are so many new things to see downtown, and new places to discover. I believe by putting God and myself first in the morning I'll have the energy and drive to make these new discoveries.

Health vs. Education

I'm pretty upset about the results I received from my doctor regarding my blood tests. My hemoglobin is at 8.4 right now and she is recommending that I get a hysterectomy. This doctors opinion is the fourth opinion I've received on this.

I was supposed to start school next week. I won't be able to handle school and a hysterectomy in the same semester. Recovery time is approximately six weeks and I would either need to do it now or when school breaks for the winter. I don't know what to do. I want to start school so badly and I'm afraid that if I don't start school this semester that I'll never go back to school. Right now my schedule is such that I believe I could handle school and my part time career. I'll pray on this and see what guidance I receive. I won't make a decision until I feel certain that I am being shown what I need to do. Actually, it was through prayer that I was shown to go back to school. Why would a hysterectomy come up at the same time?

I have been following the body for life workout program for the past week and the eating plan given to me by my doctor. I actually am feeling pretty good too. The hypnosis session to eliminate my sugar cravings seems to have taken. I stopped eating sugar on August 9th and I'm enjoy carrots and fruits instead. I still listen to the cd each day/evening and am practicing the self hypnosis techniques I was shown. So far its working out great.

SETTING MY GOALS

I need to know where I'm going and I won't know if I've gotten there unless I've claimed where and what it is I want to actually create in my life. I'd like to have my goals be as concrete as possible, again, so I know if I've reached them. I will set goals for the seven areas of my life that I believe take all of my focus. My spirituality, romantic relationship, family & friends, my finances, health, career & education and entertainment or having fun. My intention is to create a balance in these areas to the best of my ability and in this lifetime.

SPIRITUAL - To create a personal relationship with God. To learn to trust God with my life. To study religions and learn how others have developed their relationship with God. To look for God every day.

ROMANTIC - Talk kindly. Encourage. Overlook slights and faults. Develop my affectionate side. Be affectionate. Receive affection. Initiate sex. Plan a romantic get away. Plan a romantic evening. Act loving. Show signs of appreciation.

FAMILY - Call Dustin weekly. See Dustin monthly. Plan a family dinner every 2 months. Call Alexis. Do Multiplication with Alexis. Call Derek to see how he's doing. See Derek as successful, happy, prosperous. Make sure that I see Mercedes at least one time per month. Be kind to my father. Call my father once every 2 weeks. Write emails to my father weekly. Call Jeanne and Tim to get together. Meet Anne and Kevin half way for dinner. Do a monthly family email.

FINANCE - Refinance both of our homes to reduce our monthly payments. Apply for the hardship loan. Save 10% of our income. Tithe 10% of our income to wherever we are spiritually fed. Maintain the daily cash logs for both Richard and I. Create new avenues for income. Pray to learn about my financial health in a safe way. Follow the guidance that I am shown to take to the best of my ability.

HEALTH - Create and follow a schedule to go to the grocery store, the fish market, and the Arabic market. Follow the eating plan prescribed by Dr. Paz's office. Set up an exercise program and follow it - make the commitment and stay on schedule. Prioritize exercise. Make doctors appointments as they are needed and show up for those appointments.

CAREER/EDUCATION - School starts next week and I have not determined how I am going to maintain my business and go to graduate school at the same time. Write down my weekly schedule of classes. Follow up on the financial aid.

ENTERTAINMENT/FUN - Plan a night out to the movies. Set up sewing machine in upstairs bedroom and begin working on cashmere blanket project. Walk the labyrinth at the Healing Arts Center. Go to garage sales and find modern furniture to furnish the condo. Staying home and reading a book. Shopping for incredible deals. Spend time outdoors

Today I Choose HEALTH

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would have to rate where I am at in regards to my health at about a 6. In order for this number to be a 10 I need to increase my hemoglobin, recover from a cold, eat according to the eating plan prescribed to me, follow up with my doctors appointments, make a commitment to an exercise regime, and create a balance in my daily schedule.

What I am doing today to improve my health:

• Scheduled a follow up appointment with my doctor to review a medication that is not working and contributing to my problems with anemia.
  
• Began a program to eliminate one of my anti-depressant medications.
  
• Scheduled a mammogram appointment.
• Listened to my hypnosis tape this morning to help me overcome an addiction to sugar and sugar cravings.
  
• I am making a commitment to the Body for Life workout program. I've printed up the workout forms, put it in my food journal folder, and went to the gym.
• I was larger than my cravings today.
  
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CFM - Day 16

I have a sore throat today and am not feeling to well. Husband and I sat down and made some financial decisions together. 1. Take our home off the market. 2. Pay the balance past due (about $15,000) from our retirement account 457. 3. Rent out our condo on the detroit river. 4. Have a garage sale next weekend. 5. Do an inventory of our artwork and sell it at a local gallery. 6. Reduce our current monthly expenses by appx $1000. 7. Husband to check out a different gym (we pay $200 month) that charges $50 month, I will go to the gym at the college I'll start attending later this month - free. 8. Stop the cleaning service for $200 a month. 9. I have to cut out my internet clothes shopping (appx $500 month). There's $850. 10. Possibly get rid of cable $100 month. 11. Husband to cut his own hair with #2 saving $70. 12. Cut coupons 13. Use less electricity (I leave a LOT of lights on) 14. Cut down on our gas use - double and triple up where we're going. 15. Trade in one of our cars for a smaller car. 16. Cut back on eating out $200 a month. 17. Refinance both of our houses (? savings)

I think by us taking these steps husband and I can get some of the stress off of us a

CFM - Day 5

Went to bed at 10:30pm last night then woke at 2:30 wanting something to eat. Had to do some self talk to calm the thoughts down a couple of times.

Set alarm for 8:00, woke up at 8:10. Sat in front of my computer until 10:30 then had a shake with a tsp of oil. When I took my am vitamins and minerals I had an upset stomach so I chased them with some pepto bismol. I'll have to spread them out a bit more so I don't take too many at once.

Packed a peach and 1/4 cup of nuts before I headed out to the gym. Exercised on the elliptical orbiter for 30 minutes, ate the peach and the nuts, then headed into a class called "muscle max" for 30 minutes. The class wasn't very strenuous, but, since I'm returning to the gym after taking quite a bit of time off with anemia and laziness, I'm okay starting back into things slowly.

When I was leaving the gym my mind starting flashing onto candy bars. I had planned to stop at the grocery store on the way home, but decided I needed to get past the craving first. I'll go grocery shopping later if I'm feeling stronger.

Feeling a bit shaky when I returned from the gym (which is why I was craving sugar), I immediately made myself a shake with a tsp of oil. Feeling tired and want to take a nap. I'll try to fight the feeling. (see "Signs that I'm Self Destructing") .

Overcame my urge to take a nap and decided to get some work done instead. I regained energy and was able to complete several things that were overdue. I had another peach at 3:30 and was feeling levelled out energy wise.

My husband and I went grocery shopping at 4:30. It took us 2 hours to get through the task. By the end of the trip at the store I was feeling tired and hungry. I held off the hunger with a stick of gum because I knew I'd be home soon and make a salad.

By the time I got home I was crabby, confrontational and argumentative towards my husband. Even before I put away the groceries I was making a salad. I threw the Lentil soup in the micro(it was already measured out) , my husband started cooking the orange roughie, I heated up 1/2 cup of brown rice, cut up a carrott added 2 tsp of oil to the salad and immediately sat down to eat. Even though I've just completed that meal, I still feel a bit shaky and weak. I'm tired and my resistance to eating healthy is down. I'll grab a glass of water to see if that will help me feel full.

Earlier, while making the salad, I began to think that I could eat extra servings of peanuts. I ended up measuring out 4 servings of peanuts, packaging them in individual baggies and put them away in the cupboard. I also packaged two salads for tomorrow and Friday. I'll have a leftover 6 ounce serving of Orange Roughie for tomorrow also.

Its 8:30 pm and I didn't make it through the evening without going off the plan. I've had an apple and 1 cup of peanuts. The apples not bad, but the peanuts - 159 per 1/4 cup. Ouch! 9:15 ate another peach. 9:30 another 1/2 cup of peanuts. Can't seem to get a handle on this. I'm going to go to bed and read and see if that helps me to stop.

Went to bed at 10:30 but than stayed up until 12:00am playing cards on the computer. Plan on getting up at 7am. I can see the slippey slope and am ready to slow it down. Rough Day.

CFM - Day 3

Set my alarm for 7am, got up at 9:30, had a shake with a tsp of oil at 10:30. Packed a lunch of salad with 2 tsp of oil and red wine vinegar, 1/4 cup of peanuts, and an apple. Arrived at clients house at 11:30, received a call from my doctors office to have a BIA done today rather than meet with the doctor. Needed to fast for 4 hours, so I ate my apple and peanuts before 12:15 because my test was for 4:15. Ate right at my clients table while we reviewed design plans. Stopped at home before my doctors appointment, added a peach to my lunch bag so I'd have something to eat in addition to the salad when I walked out of the doctors office. Was running late to kids kickball game so I grabbed a shake with oil and out the door. Got back from game at 8:30, ate 3 ounces of shrimp, some carrot sticks, and went to the gym. I did 30 minutes of cardio, and 15 minutes of weights. (had to talk myself into those weights) Home at 9:30 put together 1/2 cup chickpeas, 1/2 cup brown rice, the remaining 3 ounces of shrimp and some canned stewed tomatoes, added basil, salt and pepper and threw it in the micro. I weighed in at 165.6 at the doctors. Had no cravings for unhealthy foods today.

CFM - Day 2

July 22: I've prepared much of the foods I'll be needing for the next few days. Brown Rice, Cooked Shrimp, Lentil Soup, Salad, and measured and packaged nuts. Then I went to the gym for a 45 minute workout. This morning I had a shake for breakfast later I had a serving of nuts. Before I went to the gym I had another shake with a tsp. of oil. After I got back from the gym I had 1/2 cup of lentil soup. For dinner I ate a salad with red wine vinegar and 3 tsp of oil, a carrot, 6 oz of shrimp and 1/2 cup of brown rice. I'm finishing off the day with 2 servings of fruit, an apple and a cup of raspberries.

Success!