Finding My Step

I've had a whirlwind of activity in my life for the past two months and am very much looking forward to things settling down.

I'm in my new home, for the most part unpacked, still getting organized and am working on creating a routine or pattern to my days and weeks.

I now have to schedule in the laundry mat, I no longer have my favorite market that I went to weekly, I don't have as many household responsibilities, I'm not familiar with where to shop for the best deals. Meijers, Target, Best Buy. . . . . . . none of these stores exist in Detroit and I'm wanting to be able to spend my dollars here in the city.

I'm working on creating a healthy, productive schedule that's going to take care of me in a positive, balanced way. For the past few days, I've begun my mornings by attending a 7am Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Grosse Point, and then heading to the new YMCA in downtown Detroit. Because I recognize that I can become obsessive about setting goals, I've decided to allow this pattern to develop and repeat itself until it becomes a habit. I don't plan on becoming rigid about adding other plans to my schedule, however, I'll look for new things to do that will make my life feel fabulous and fulfilling.

This past weekend my husband and I went to the Detroit Farmers Market. What a fantastic way to spend an afternoon! I LOVE to feel as if I'm getting a bargain, and this is definitely a place for bargains. A box of fresh, juicy clementines for $2.00, eggs fresh from the farm, large bags of apples for $4.00! Then we discovered there was a meat market across the street which we hadn't seen before. They had a special on N.Y. Strips for $2.95 a pound, and their prices for Amish chickens and turkeys are better than what they're charging in the grocery stores for just regular hormone filled chickens. It really was a fun time and I came home with plenty of fresh food for the week, and plans to return again this weekend.

I've determined that there's not a lot I can do about my employment until after my surgery, although I have been applying for jobs and following up on leads and referrals that I've come across. Hopefully this effort will pay off for when I'm back on my feet and able to get back to work. In the meantime, we continue to tithe 10% back for what God has given us and have been receiving many rich rewards because of it.

So, although finding my step is a bit of a challenge, I'm finding it to be a fun challenge. There are so many new things to see downtown, and new places to discover. I believe by putting God and myself first in the morning I'll have the energy and drive to make these new discoveries.

Change of Plans

Well, I've dropped my architectural classes and taken the steps I need to take to arrange to have the hysterectomy.

I don't really want to write because I'm feeling pretty let down by this. I realize that it'll all work out in the end, I even realize that something good is going to come out of this, however, my hopes were so high that I need to accept that I had a long way to fall.

A difference that I see in my behavior that I may, actually, would not have done in the past, is that I am eating healthy and exercising daily. So, while I do feel down, I am committed to taking care of myself too. Because of these choices that's I'm making it'll be easier for me to get through the emotions that I'm feeling and then be able to spring back up (rather than crawl).

One important change I have made recently is that I have eliminated a medication that I've been on for the past three years. My doctor has had my on two anti-depressants, one for depression and another for anxiety. I recently weened myself off of one of the them and I'm doing really well. Yes, I feel down about school, but its a more natural down rather than a deep depression, nor am I feeling much anxiety. Hmmmm. . . .

Health vs. Education

I'm pretty upset about the results I received from my doctor regarding my blood tests. My hemoglobin is at 8.4 right now and she is recommending that I get a hysterectomy. This doctors opinion is the fourth opinion I've received on this.

I was supposed to start school next week. I won't be able to handle school and a hysterectomy in the same semester. Recovery time is approximately six weeks and I would either need to do it now or when school breaks for the winter. I don't know what to do. I want to start school so badly and I'm afraid that if I don't start school this semester that I'll never go back to school. Right now my schedule is such that I believe I could handle school and my part time career. I'll pray on this and see what guidance I receive. I won't make a decision until I feel certain that I am being shown what I need to do. Actually, it was through prayer that I was shown to go back to school. Why would a hysterectomy come up at the same time?

I have been following the body for life workout program for the past week and the eating plan given to me by my doctor. I actually am feeling pretty good too. The hypnosis session to eliminate my sugar cravings seems to have taken. I stopped eating sugar on August 9th and I'm enjoy carrots and fruits instead. I still listen to the cd each day/evening and am practicing the self hypnosis techniques I was shown. So far its working out great.

THURSDAY - Balancing Career and School

As I've mentioned several times throughout this blog, I'm about to begin graduate school and work towards a degree in Architecture. School begins next Wednesday and as of yet I have not gotten an answer regarding my financial aid/student loan. Needless to say, I'm concerned.

Having been a young, wild, irresponsible teenager who barely made it to high school graduation, I find it amazing that I am going for my Master's degree! A part of me doesn't believe that I can/will succeed, yet, the ambitious side of me knows that I can and will succeed.

I'm a bit concerned about maintaining my business, making enough of a living to pay our bills, and attending school. I'm concerned about a 7 credit studio class in my first semester. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up or that the college is allowing me to waive some classes based on my prior studies. Its been 13 years since I've been in school.

I'm 47 years old and I'm not in least worried about being the oldest student in the class. I don't really care about that, and, believe I have the advantage. I retain information better than I used to, I recognize what's important where as before I didn't really know. I can focus better now than in my past, I schedule more reasonably and honestly, I recognize and appreciate the value of this education. I am excited, frightened, and thrilled to be going back to school. I feel blessed to be able to.

MONDAY - Romantic Love

I've held off on this one and put it in draft mode for several days. For me, right now, the most romantic behavior I can show is to be supportive, accepting and non- judgemental.

My husband and I have been married for nine years and have known each other for twelve. Unfortunately, when you know someone for a long period of time it becomes easier to get into some behavioral habits that aren't kind, healthy, supportive or loving.

Recently I made a choice to stop reacting when I don't approve of something he says or does. I'm working on shutting my mouth and just trying to listen to him. This is not an easy task for me. I'm an outspoken person while he is a more guarded person.

The more resentments I'm carrying around, the more critical and outspoken I am. I'm working on my thought process regarding resentments and it is helping me greatly to be more accepting.

Right now, this is what romance is to me. I am creating a more gentle, loving environment for my husband and I to relate in and I have seen a more loving, appreciative husband as a result.

SUNDAY is Spirituality

I had planned to go to the Buddhist temple this morning, however, I ended up sleeping in later than intended. While my hypnosis cd may be getting through to my subconscious, its also affecting my sleep. I need to change the time when I listen to the cd.

Spirituality is kind of touch and go for me, although it is something that I value highly. On a scale of one to ten I would rate this a seven. Someday's I'm centered and in communication with God, others I have no idea where I am in relation to God.

Today, in order for me to stretch my spirituality, I commit to relying on God all day. I will rely on God for direction, inspiration, guidance, and love. I will continue to bring myself to God. One thing I can do would be to set an alarm for every hour and bring my mind to God. Another step I might take is to hold onto my rock so that I can continuously be aware of God. In the end, my goal is to stay as close with God as I am able to today. I'm not perfect, which means their are incredible amounts of room for improvement.

Finally, I will look for God today - I will see God today.

SETTING MY GOALS

I need to know where I'm going and I won't know if I've gotten there unless I've claimed where and what it is I want to actually create in my life. I'd like to have my goals be as concrete as possible, again, so I know if I've reached them. I will set goals for the seven areas of my life that I believe take all of my focus. My spirituality, romantic relationship, family & friends, my finances, health, career & education and entertainment or having fun. My intention is to create a balance in these areas to the best of my ability and in this lifetime.

SPIRITUAL - To create a personal relationship with God. To learn to trust God with my life. To study religions and learn how others have developed their relationship with God. To look for God every day.

ROMANTIC - Talk kindly. Encourage. Overlook slights and faults. Develop my affectionate side. Be affectionate. Receive affection. Initiate sex. Plan a romantic get away. Plan a romantic evening. Act loving. Show signs of appreciation.

FAMILY - Call Dustin weekly. See Dustin monthly. Plan a family dinner every 2 months. Call Alexis. Do Multiplication with Alexis. Call Derek to see how he's doing. See Derek as successful, happy, prosperous. Make sure that I see Mercedes at least one time per month. Be kind to my father. Call my father once every 2 weeks. Write emails to my father weekly. Call Jeanne and Tim to get together. Meet Anne and Kevin half way for dinner. Do a monthly family email.

FINANCE - Refinance both of our homes to reduce our monthly payments. Apply for the hardship loan. Save 10% of our income. Tithe 10% of our income to wherever we are spiritually fed. Maintain the daily cash logs for both Richard and I. Create new avenues for income. Pray to learn about my financial health in a safe way. Follow the guidance that I am shown to take to the best of my ability.

HEALTH - Create and follow a schedule to go to the grocery store, the fish market, and the Arabic market. Follow the eating plan prescribed by Dr. Paz's office. Set up an exercise program and follow it - make the commitment and stay on schedule. Prioritize exercise. Make doctors appointments as they are needed and show up for those appointments.

CAREER/EDUCATION - School starts next week and I have not determined how I am going to maintain my business and go to graduate school at the same time. Write down my weekly schedule of classes. Follow up on the financial aid.

ENTERTAINMENT/FUN - Plan a night out to the movies. Set up sewing machine in upstairs bedroom and begin working on cashmere blanket project. Walk the labyrinth at the Healing Arts Center. Go to garage sales and find modern furniture to furnish the condo. Staying home and reading a book. Shopping for incredible deals. Spend time outdoors

Life's Balancing Act

These are specific areas in my life that I am always going to want to improve on. These areas include; SPIRITUAL, ROMANCE, FRIENDS and FAMILY, FINANCIAL, CAREER/EDUCATION, HEALTH, and FUN.

If I was to rate where I am at in each of these areas on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, I would then know what areas are needing the most work to help me live my best life and maybe be my best person.

Each day I plan to focus on one of these areas as the primary and the remaining areas as a secondary. I believe this will help me keep in check with myself, and, also give me a week to come up with some solutions to make the following week more positive.

The breakdown will be as follows:

Sunday - Spiritual Monday - Relationships Tuesday - Friends/Family
Wednesday-Financial Thursday - Career/Educ. Friday - Health
Saturday - Entertain

I'll rate each category between 1 and 10, with 1 being in need of great change and 10 being the most fantastic.

This of course means that I am going to need to put together goals for each area so that I will know what it is that I am wanting to achieve and whether or not I am on the path to achieving those goals.

Since I've been focused so much on food, I realize that there are so many other areas that are needing my attention. With food someday's I fail, some days I succeed. The more days I succeed, the closer I am to my goals (not yet determined). The more days I fail, the more help and/or loving attention I am needing to give that area of my life. Its about balance, being out of balance, getting into balance and winding road between.

I'd love to hear from others about how they are taking care of themselves and what is working best for them.