Monday, August 6, 2007
CFM - Day 17
Set alarm for 7am, got up at 8:15. Had a 9am appointment though so was rushing around to get ready. Had a shake, packed a shake, a peach, a pear, and 1/4 cup of nuts. Forgot my lunch though. Damn. Oh well, went to my meetings, didn't take a lunch break, and now I've returned home feeling weak, and tired. I've eaten the lunch I packed and am hoping to regain some energy soon. My son and his girlfriend are on their way over to visit and I'm needing energy. I'll grab a cup of coffee and see if that helps me at all.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
CFM - Day 16
I have a sore throat today and am not feeling to well. Husband and I sat down and made some financial decisions together. 1. Take our home off the market. 2. Pay the balance past due (about $15,000) from our retirement account 457. 3. Rent out our condo on the detroit river. 4. Have a garage sale next weekend. 5. Do an inventory of our artwork and sell it at a local gallery. 6. Reduce our current monthly expenses by appx $1000. 7. Husband to check out a different gym (we pay $200 month) that charges $50 month, I will go to the gym at the college I'll start attending later this month - free. 8. Stop the cleaning service for $200 a month. 9. I have to cut out my internet clothes shopping (appx $500 month). There's $850. 10. Possibly get rid of cable $100 month. 11. Husband to cut his own hair with #2 saving $70. 12. Cut coupons 13. Use less electricity (I leave a LOT of lights on) 14. Cut down on our gas use - double and triple up where we're going. 15. Trade in one of our cars for a smaller car. 16. Cut back on eating out $200 a month. 17. Refinance both of our houses (? savings)
I think by us taking these steps husband and I can get some of the stress off of us a
I think by us taking these steps husband and I can get some of the stress off of us a
Saturday, August 4, 2007
CFM - Day 15
Off the plan completely today. Was up until 3am fighting with husband and felt hungover and drugged this morning. Emotionally hungover. Went to dentist before I had anything to eat, went to grocery store with the intention of eating sugar, bought sushi, nuts, oatmeal raisen cookies (12 oz), m&m's (12 oz), hommus, and wheat crackers. Came home, took the sushi, cookies and m&m's up to bed and have been in bed the ENTIRE day. Its now 8:30 pm and I have not gotten out of bed. I'm full, I feel sick, I am actually laying on my stomach on an angle because my stomach is too big and full to lay directly on it. Yuck. Don't want to exist. Don't want to make any effort. Don't want to be responsible for myself right now. I just want to disappear. I feel depressed.
Friday, August 3, 2007
CFM - Day 14
Today I didn't set an alarm and I woke up at 8:30. I have a fairly open day today, many things I could be doing, nothing I have to be doing. I'll be focusing on my own house today though. Our electrician is going to be at our condo today (a renovation project almost completed) and, since he's relapsed on drugs, I've asked my husband to be there so I feel safer. The electrician is actually a friend of my husbands from AA so he's much more comfortable than I am.
I plan on taking EXTREME care of myself today. Later. . . . . well, no extreme care taken today.
I did well throughout the day, ran late in a meeting this evening and was overly hungry by the time I arrived at the restaurant. Oh well, did my best to maintain a reasonable eating plan. 2 or 3 (probably 3) pieces of bread, a cucumber and yogurt dip, and octopus - fantastic dinner. Then went next door and got an ice cream cone with a single scoop. I'm happy with how I ate today, happy that I was able to deal with the feeling that there might not be enough food for me. There was plenty and I didn't feel like I needed more.
Went for a walk for about 25 minutes outside. Had a few meetings I had to get to so I cut it a little short.
Spent the evening arguing with my husband. Was REALLY pissed off at him tonight - stormed out of the house, accidently cracked the mirror on the back of my door. I was MADDER than I ever recall being. I actually wanted to hit him - I have NEVER felt that way! It was really awful.
Don't know if we worked through it or not, but, we are sleeping in seperate beds tonight.
I plan on taking EXTREME care of myself today. Later. . . . . well, no extreme care taken today.
I did well throughout the day, ran late in a meeting this evening and was overly hungry by the time I arrived at the restaurant. Oh well, did my best to maintain a reasonable eating plan. 2 or 3 (probably 3) pieces of bread, a cucumber and yogurt dip, and octopus - fantastic dinner. Then went next door and got an ice cream cone with a single scoop. I'm happy with how I ate today, happy that I was able to deal with the feeling that there might not be enough food for me. There was plenty and I didn't feel like I needed more.
Went for a walk for about 25 minutes outside. Had a few meetings I had to get to so I cut it a little short.
Spent the evening arguing with my husband. Was REALLY pissed off at him tonight - stormed out of the house, accidently cracked the mirror on the back of my door. I was MADDER than I ever recall being. I actually wanted to hit him - I have NEVER felt that way! It was really awful.
Don't know if we worked through it or not, but, we are sleeping in seperate beds tonight.
CFM - Day 13
Funny, but I don't feel like writing today. Took my 3 prescription medications, not my vitamins. Was running behind this morning, almost didn't bother with my food because I knew I had contractors waiting for me at a job site. Stopped myself, forced myself to make a protein shake, pack some nuts and carrots and ran out the door. The contractor could wait a couple extra minutes, I couldn't afford to miss my food.
On the way out of the clients I ate my carrots and headed directly to the design center to place orders I've needed to place for two months. I'm so behind in my ordering and my finances that I am certain these are contributing to my emotional eating.
Right now I am 3 house payments behind - which is a place I've never been before. Somehow, the mortgage company lost one of my payments, and refusing to correct it. This has caused my credit rating to plummet. I'm not able to refinance and in the meantime my interest has gone up to 13.99! Ridiculous. The payments are $4100 a month - in addition to a $2000 mortgage payment on my second home. I'm not able to keep up right now. This is the reason I'm so far behind on my orders too. The problem has been compounded because I'm using clients order money to catch up on my mortgage payments. . . . and the cycle continues.
Three years ago I had a large furniture store. I made quite a bit of money - the store was prosperous. (because I was tithing primarily) I was able to pay my bills on time even though I had some incredible bills. The store was destroyed one day in a flood, and even though I had insurance with Hastings Mutual the insurance company gave me a hard time. Six months after the flood, sitting in a moldy showroom with no inventory, I decided to move out of the building. Seven months after the flood the insurance company gave me some money for my inventory. Money trickled in, literally, enough to pay an employee and a phone bill, enough to pay my IRS payment, etc. I settled with the insurance company three years after the flood. I had lost my business and was now in some fairly serious debt.
Oh well, life goes on. I continued to keep up and it was only in the past few months that I've not been able to. So, I need to get back up, dust myself off, and find a way to get through this.
In the meantime, one of my homes is for sale, the economy here is shit and I haven't had a single offer in three years. The house has gone from $380,000 down to $315,000 and nothing. Its not that the house is ugly either. I'm a designer for a living - I've been in national magazines for design. The market just isn't here right now. The people that keep looking at the house are people who can't afford it. "Oh we're waiting till it comes down to under $300000 the last one told me" Damn. I owe $314,000 on it!
Anyway, this is having an impact on my eating. I obsess about unhealthy foods when I begin to feel fearful. Instead of focusing on the problem my mind shifts over to "self destructive" behaviors.
Today I was able to maintain my eating plan for the most part. I was riddled with cravings for sugar and ended up eating an overage of nuts instead. Damn! I did workout today also though, 30 minutes on the elliptical and 45 minutes of weights. My husbands been helping me with my weight training and I'm so grateful because I don't believe I'd follow through on this without his help. Certainly I wouldn't be working out as hard as he has me working out. I'll try again tomorrow.
On the way out of the clients I ate my carrots and headed directly to the design center to place orders I've needed to place for two months. I'm so behind in my ordering and my finances that I am certain these are contributing to my emotional eating.
Right now I am 3 house payments behind - which is a place I've never been before. Somehow, the mortgage company lost one of my payments, and refusing to correct it. This has caused my credit rating to plummet. I'm not able to refinance and in the meantime my interest has gone up to 13.99! Ridiculous. The payments are $4100 a month - in addition to a $2000 mortgage payment on my second home. I'm not able to keep up right now. This is the reason I'm so far behind on my orders too. The problem has been compounded because I'm using clients order money to catch up on my mortgage payments. . . . and the cycle continues.
Three years ago I had a large furniture store. I made quite a bit of money - the store was prosperous. (because I was tithing primarily) I was able to pay my bills on time even though I had some incredible bills. The store was destroyed one day in a flood, and even though I had insurance with Hastings Mutual the insurance company gave me a hard time. Six months after the flood, sitting in a moldy showroom with no inventory, I decided to move out of the building. Seven months after the flood the insurance company gave me some money for my inventory. Money trickled in, literally, enough to pay an employee and a phone bill, enough to pay my IRS payment, etc. I settled with the insurance company three years after the flood. I had lost my business and was now in some fairly serious debt.
Oh well, life goes on. I continued to keep up and it was only in the past few months that I've not been able to. So, I need to get back up, dust myself off, and find a way to get through this.
In the meantime, one of my homes is for sale, the economy here is shit and I haven't had a single offer in three years. The house has gone from $380,000 down to $315,000 and nothing. Its not that the house is ugly either. I'm a designer for a living - I've been in national magazines for design. The market just isn't here right now. The people that keep looking at the house are people who can't afford it. "Oh we're waiting till it comes down to under $300000 the last one told me" Damn. I owe $314,000 on it!
Anyway, this is having an impact on my eating. I obsess about unhealthy foods when I begin to feel fearful. Instead of focusing on the problem my mind shifts over to "self destructive" behaviors.
Today I was able to maintain my eating plan for the most part. I was riddled with cravings for sugar and ended up eating an overage of nuts instead. Damn! I did workout today also though, 30 minutes on the elliptical and 45 minutes of weights. My husbands been helping me with my weight training and I'm so grateful because I don't believe I'd follow through on this without his help. Certainly I wouldn't be working out as hard as he has me working out. I'll try again tomorrow.
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