CFM - Day 20

A little better of this am. I'm not loaded up with sugar so my emotions are leveller than they have been. I did cancel my appointments for this morning because I'm really not up to them today. I'm planning to stay home and take care of paperwork and take care of myself.

I've arranged to have both of my houses refinanced, they are both in the process of the applications now. I've contacted the University I'll be attending later this month to check up on my financial aid. I've been placing my clients orders so things are getting caught up better. I'm also working with companies so that I can generate an income over the next couple of months. I'm applying for a hardship loan from a contribution program from my husbands work in order to bring the main house payment current. I'm stressing out about not shopping on the internet, its really hard for me not to! We've given the cleaning service a 30 day notice, and my husband needs to get to the new gym so we can put in a notice at our old gym also.

I'm writing about these financial issues because I believe they are related to how I take care of myself and to my eating patterns.

I did much better with my eating today. I missed 2 tsp's of oil and 1 protein. I think that's fantastic after how I've been eating though. Feeling better this evening and plan to return to work tomorrow.

I finished the evening off with going over on my fruits - I had an extra 2 or 3 servings of grapes. I think I'm only supposed to eat 12 grapes as a serving, so I had at least 36 grapes.

Just read an article about sugar, they referred to it as "extremely addicting", I certainly know that is true. In the article they recommended using stevia. I do have some packets in the house and I can try this. What I believe I need to do though is completely eliminate sugar from my eating plan. The problem, or what I am afraid of is the results of removing it completely from my diet. I'm afraid I'll go on a 6 month binge of sugar or something.

I stopped drinking about 15 years ago. I never have a drink. I have little desire for a drink (only when I'm not dealing with my anger), and I know that if I have a drink I'll probably go off the deep end. Because I'm so self conscious in front of others this helps me to not drink. However, I don't have those same fears with sugar. I can't seem to just give up sugar because its not good for me. I don't care enough about myself for that to happen. It seems like I can give up an addiction for others, rarely for myself though. Hmmmmmm...... I do want to stop this sugar situation.

Something I heard altered to relate to my situation: "Every time you say yes to that binge, you say no to health, wellness, and goodness in your life. Every time you say no to that binge, you say yes to your life"

CFM - Day 19

Woke up at 4:30 am, obsessed about the remaining M&M's! Waited until my husband got out of bed to go get them and bring them back to bed with me. This is really sad. I know that if it was a bottle of liquor I could say "I'm a drunk" and get help, but, this is a bag of m&m's - who would believe that this is such a problem. Once my mind is stuck in the obsession there seems to be no way for me to get off it.

Other foods I ate today, grapes, about 2 pounds, sushi, a protein shake, miso soup, teas. Still feeling sick and hoping to feel better in the am. No exercise today.

CFM - Day 18

Stuck at home with a cold and fever. Foods way off - so far off I'm not even going to bother. Incredibly, I tried all day to overcome my sugar cravings, but, at 8pm I ended up going out and getting 2 14 oz bags of peanut m&m's. What a druggie!? I could not stop myself and didn't or don't have enough tools in place to get outside help to stop me. This is ridiculous. Of course, the sugar is going to, in the end, make me feel worse. I know this and I don't have enough to stop this on my own. I hate this part of me. I ate the 1 14 oz bag and than part of the 2nd bag.

CFM - Day 17

Set alarm for 7am, got up at 8:15. Had a 9am appointment though so was rushing around to get ready. Had a shake, packed a shake, a peach, a pear, and 1/4 cup of nuts. Forgot my lunch though. Damn. Oh well, went to my meetings, didn't take a lunch break, and now I've returned home feeling weak, and tired. I've eaten the lunch I packed and am hoping to regain some energy soon. My son and his girlfriend are on their way over to visit and I'm needing energy. I'll grab a cup of coffee and see if that helps me at all.

CFM - Day 16

I have a sore throat today and am not feeling to well. Husband and I sat down and made some financial decisions together. 1. Take our home off the market. 2. Pay the balance past due (about $15,000) from our retirement account 457. 3. Rent out our condo on the detroit river. 4. Have a garage sale next weekend. 5. Do an inventory of our artwork and sell it at a local gallery. 6. Reduce our current monthly expenses by appx $1000. 7. Husband to check out a different gym (we pay $200 month) that charges $50 month, I will go to the gym at the college I'll start attending later this month - free. 8. Stop the cleaning service for $200 a month. 9. I have to cut out my internet clothes shopping (appx $500 month). There's $850. 10. Possibly get rid of cable $100 month. 11. Husband to cut his own hair with #2 saving $70. 12. Cut coupons 13. Use less electricity (I leave a LOT of lights on) 14. Cut down on our gas use - double and triple up where we're going. 15. Trade in one of our cars for a smaller car. 16. Cut back on eating out $200 a month. 17. Refinance both of our houses (? savings)

I think by us taking these steps husband and I can get some of the stress off of us a