Wednesday, November 7, 2007
What a nightmare! I really recognized why my husband and I haven't sat down and done our expenses together in the past.
Yesterday, my husband had a really rough day at work. His job is overly stressful due to a politically appointed boss (that changes with each election), who has no experience. Political appointees are oftentimes someone who has held fund raisers, or knows someone who knows someone, etc. They aren't required to have qualifications for the jobs they are appointed to, but instead are pretty much thrust into a position and they either take an active role or a passive role in their position.
Currently, his boss is taking not only an active roll, but an abusive roll. She's pretty well destroyed the department by abusing those who knew how to run the department until they couldn't tolerate it any longer. Many accepted much less paying positions just to get away.
Unfortunately, my husband has not been able to get out of the job, after 20 some years, and has reported some of her abuses to the human resource department in order to protect himself. Worse, by his reporting the problem it has created an even more hostile environment.
Anyway, having come home in that frame of mind, we had our scheduled financial meeting. Certainly, this was a mistake. It seemed as though all the abuses that were heaped on him that day were now being brought to the financial table.
While I have fear about money, my husband has hatred and rage about money. There is so much anger coming from him about money, that, in the past, I had chosen not to confide in him and had just taken over the bill paying. Bill paying was all that was happening in our household though. Nobody was paying attention to what was coming in, what was going out, what was being saved, or what was being spent.
I find it very difficult to be in the same room with him when this rage comes out. Its not rage at me, its rage towards money. Yet, I don't know how to stay present around it. (Actually, after re-reading this last statement, I shouldn't stay present around it! I need to set a boundary and walk out of the meeting if it gets that heated. That much anger, to me, belongs in a therapists office.)
When the subject of Christmas came up, and it only came up because it was on the agenda, my husband seemed to completely fall to pieces. He informed me that he felt like we were letting his daughter down financially, that he wanted to be able to give the kids whatever they wanted - like we have in the past, etc.
The dynamics of our relationship seems to be that when my husband gets weepy or (what I call) overly emotional/dramatic), I get angry. When I get weepy he gets weepier . . . . then I get angry. Its not a pretty picture.
Needless to say, this meeting resulted in a melt down by each of us. By the end of the meeting both of us had been crying, myself because I was so frustrated, my husband- for many reasons.
Later, when both my husband and I were calmed down and the financial meeting had ended, I asked him why he believed he had so much anger towards money. He indicated that money was used as a tool/weapon against him in his family and later in his relationships. I have never seen anyone have such a strong, hateful reaction towards money.
I on the other hand, have very few memories about money. Money wasn't really discussed in my family, it was a bit of a secret. I knew we didn't have any, we didn't have enough for our basic needs, but, we did have two large homes.
I'm not sure how we're going to go forward from here. I don't ever want to have to go through what I went through at last nights meeting. We did discuss the inappropriate way the meeting went, and, that neither of us should be coming to the tables loaded up with that much emotional baggage.
Additionally, I have had to be responsible for finances my entire adult life, my husband, on the other hand, has never had to be responsible. He has always had someone else take care of his finances. He is actually coming to the table with, by his own admission, very little financial experience, and making some fairly awful financial recommendations.
You know, if it had to sum this up right now, I'd have to say that my husband is a bit of a spoiled brat and he's having a loud, and obnoxious, childish temper tantrum, that, while he claims he'd like me to take him seriously, cannot be taken seriously.
Well, even though I didn't have anything nice to say, I feel better for having said it.
Monday, November 5, 2007
I'm always searching for a way to make money online.
I've signed up to take surveys at cashcrate.com , which wouldn't be a problem, except, you can't get out of the surveys! What prompted me to sign up was when a fellow blogger had listed his income for the month as $63. I now realize he had to have been on line for many, many hours to get his account that high.
I'm currently checking on an old website I had purchased which appears to still be in my account at Network Solutions. I'd like to get the website going and begin selling products that I've made for children. I'll let you know how that's working out.
Finally, I recently came across a website that was recommended to me by someone I trust. Also, just last night, I was reading about the law of attraction, and I was shown this site this morning. Whenever I pray and then see a possible answer to that prayer I gratefully respond.
So, if you're interested in making an income on line, just listen to a short tape, sign up for free, and pass it on. http://www.mypowermall.com/Biz/Home/73621
Sunday, November 4, 2007
My father used to tell me, "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." so, I haven't written lately.
After my fourth financial meeting with my husband, I was feeling pretty worn out. I see my finances and I can't believe I've managed to get myself into this mess. I currently have $74,000 in credit card, student loans, and construction loans and another $460,000 in mortgage debt. So, the good news is that my husband read Dave Ramsey's, "Total Money Makeover" and has agreed to come on board with me. Additionally I have seen my husband make a complete turn around in his financial thought process and I believe because of this we are now in a position to overcome our debts.
I'm concerned because my business has dropped off more than 90%, and I have health problems that cause me to be fatigued and unable to work at my normal capacity. Right now I'm scheduled for surgery November 22nd, but may have to delay it because I don't have enough money set aside to pay my mortgages. I also may be forced to delay it because my iron levels are too low for surgery. The surgery requires that I take six to eight weeks off of work. So, the good news is that I can see the problem, have the awareness that I need to build my emergency fund right now.
I had planned on going to grad school and realize that financially I'm not in a position to. The tuition is $7,000 per semester and I, of course, was planning to pay for this with student loans. So. the good news is I'm not creating $14,000 of additional debt this year.
I'm needing a new action plan and I'm not sure which way to go. I feel in a bit of a catch 22 because I don't want to build a business, one, that I don't really like anymore, and, two, when I'm too ill to follow through. So, the good news is I'm taking a bit of a siesta, praying and waiting for God to show me the way.
I've been listing items for sale on craigslist, attempting to sell some of my art collection, and communicating with a furniture store to purchase lighting fixtures. So the good news is, I have valuable things to sell.
I did sell a set of tires my son had left in my garage and I split the money with him, the artwork is in limbo and, actually, so are the light fixtures. The furniture store owner indicated he wanted them and then hasn't done anything to follow up. Well, the good news is, I still have the fixtures and if the original person who said he wants them doesn't want them any longer - I'll sell them to someone else.
I've contacted a rental company to have him look at both of our homes. Both would rent WAY under the amount that we currently pay for them. The good news is, both houses are beautiful, I can schedule a photographer to take pictures, and can submit those pictures to national magazines for consideration.
This month I have very little receivables out there and am again afraid I won't be able to pay this months bills. My clients are cutting back on purchases and its been affecting my income greatly. Oh well, I didn't mention that last month my income was $7500. Who knows what it will be this month. Hmmm, the good news could be that all income is a bit of a surprise and I am EXTREMELY grateful each time it comes in.
I do have debt through my business that I must pay off, while at the same time paying myself a salary. I can no longer ignore my business though and use the money from it to just pay my bills. I need to pay my clients bills first, since it is their money for their product. So, the good news here is that I WILL be out of debt at my office since I'm putting a portion of all my business income towards past debt. The even better news is that I do not have a lot of past due debts at my office and the debts that I do have have varying due dates, ie. deposit first - four months later the balance is due. I can get the orders going, since my clients already paid me, and prepare to pay off the balances.
Finally, I live on a 1/2 acre of land, in Michigan, and there are loads of leaves that need to be raked up and taken to the roadside. I let the lawn service go to save money. So, the good news is, I have a heck of a workout ahead of me. :)