Saturday, August 18, 2007

Saturday Entertainment

Creating space for fun and entertainment is one of my most difficult areas. I rarely understand what it is I find fun to do and I don't know why this is. What is fun? What is entertaining? If I had to rate this area on a scale of one to ten I'd have to say its at about a two. I'm rating it so low because I generally don't do "fun" things. My focus is usually on work or relaxation. Certainly relaxation is fun to me, sitting in silence for hours is fun for me, but it's certainly not entertaining. It's quite limiting.

I'd love to hear from others what and where they find fun and entertainment in their lives. Is it possible I don't understand the concept?

Today I will stretch myself to discover what is fun and entertaining to me. I'll post what I find at the end of the day.

Well, I tried a few new things today to see if I found them entertaining or fun.
  • Hung out at Borders Book store and looked at some art, fashion, and exercise books.
  • I packed a lunch for a picnic, ate some in my car, some on the nature trails.
  • I went to the very short nature trails by my home.
  • I watched a comedy movie on television
  • I spent the day in silence, peacefulness, and contentment.
  • I drove around and looked at landscaping I enjoyed.
  • I played around with space planning for a friends loft.
  • I made myself and incredible salad for dinner that I enjoyed very much.
In all honesty, I felt like I was pressuring myself to find something fun. I was disappointed that I wasn't really able to. What I enjoyed most about this day was the peace and quiet and the healthy foods that I prepared for myself. Going to the book store and to the nature trails were new things I was trying to see if they were fun. I was thinking that fun and entertainment meant that I needed to "do" something. What I learned today is that fun and entertainment is not necessarily something outside of me, I can be fun and entertained just by enjoying a day alone.

I'm going to raise my rating of fun from the two that I thought it was earlier to an eight. I feel so content this evening, spiritually centered, loving, and peaceful. That's fun!

Friday, August 17, 2007


I need to know where I'm going and I won't know if I've gotten there unless I've claimed where and what it is I want to actually create in my life. I'd like to have my goals be as concrete as possible, again, so I know if I've reached them. I will set goals for the seven areas of my life that I believe take all of my focus. My spirituality, romantic relationship, family & friends, my finances, health, career & education and entertainment or having fun. My intention is to create a balance in these areas to the best of my ability and in this lifetime.

SPIRITUAL - To create a personal relationship with God. To learn to trust God with my life. To study religions and learn how others have developed their relationship with God. To look for God every day.

ROMANTIC - Talk kindly. Encourage. Overlook slights and faults. Develop my affectionate side. Be affectionate. Receive affection. Initiate sex. Plan a romantic get away. Plan a romantic evening. Act loving. Show signs of appreciation.

FAMILY - Call Dustin weekly. See Dustin monthly. Plan a family dinner every 2 months. Call Alexis. Do Multiplication with Alexis. Call Derek to see how he's doing. See Derek as successful, happy, prosperous. Make sure that I see Mercedes at least one time per month. Be kind to my father. Call my father once every 2 weeks. Write emails to my father weekly. Call Jeanne and Tim to get together. Meet Anne and Kevin half way for dinner. Do a monthly family email.

FINANCE - Refinance both of our homes to reduce our monthly payments. Apply for the hardship loan. Save 10% of our income. Tithe 10% of our income to wherever we are spiritually fed. Maintain the daily cash logs for both Richard and I. Create new avenues for income. Pray to learn about my financial health in a safe way. Follow the guidance that I am shown to take to the best of my ability.

HEALTH - Create and follow a schedule to go to the grocery store, the fish market, and the Arabic market. Follow the eating plan prescribed by Dr. Paz's office. Set up an exercise program and follow it - make the commitment and stay on schedule. Prioritize exercise. Make doctors appointments as they are needed and show up for those appointments.

CAREER/EDUCATION - School starts next week and I have not determined how I am going to maintain my business and go to graduate school at the same time. Write down my weekly schedule of classes. Follow up on the financial aid.

ENTERTAINMENT/FUN - Plan a night out to the movies. Set up sewing machine in upstairs bedroom and begin working on cashmere blanket project. Walk the labyrinth at the Healing Arts Center. Go to garage sales and find modern furniture to furnish the condo. Staying home and reading a book. Shopping for incredible deals. Spend time outdoors

Today I Choose HEALTH

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would have to rate where I am at in regards to my health at about a 6. In order for this number to be a 10 I need to increase my hemoglobin, recover from a cold, eat according to the eating plan prescribed to me, follow up with my doctors appointments, make a commitment to an exercise regime, and create a balance in my daily schedule.

What I am doing today to improve my health:

  • Scheduled a follow up appointment with my doctor to review a medication that is not working and contributing to my problems with anemia.
  • Began a program to eliminate one of my anti-depressant medications.
  • Scheduled a mammogram appointment.
  • Listened to my hypnosis tape this morning to help me overcome an addiction to sugar and sugar cravings.
  • I am making a commitment to the Body for Life workout program. I've printed up the workout forms, put it in my food journal folder, and went to the gym.
  • I was larger than my cravings today.

Life's Balancing Act

These are specific areas in my life that I am always going to want to improve on. These areas include; SPIRITUAL, ROMANCE, FRIENDS and FAMILY, FINANCIAL, CAREER/EDUCATION, HEALTH, and FUN.

If I was to rate where I am at in each of these areas on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, I would then know what areas are needing the most work to help me live my best life and maybe be my best person.

Each day I plan to focus on one of these areas as the primary and the remaining areas as a secondary. I believe this will help me keep in check with myself, and, also give me a week to come up with some solutions to make the following week more positive.

The breakdown will be as follows:

Sunday - Spiritual Monday - Relationships Tuesday - Friends/Family
Wednesday-Financial Thursday - Career/Educ. Friday - Health
Saturday - Entertain

I'll rate each category between 1 and 10, with 1 being in need of great change and 10 being the most fantastic.

This of course means that I am going to need to put together goals for each area so that I will know what it is that I am wanting to achieve and whether or not I am on the path to achieving those goals.

Since I've been focused so much on food, I realize that there are so many other areas that are needing my attention. With food someday's I fail, some days I succeed. The more days I succeed, the closer I am to my goals (not yet determined). The more days I fail, the more help and/or loving attention I am needing to give that area of my life. Its about balance, being out of balance, getting into balance and winding road between.

I'd love to hear from others about how they are taking care of themselves and what is working best for them.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

CFM - Day 27

Getting nervous about school starting and whether my student loan is going to go through or not. I'm told paperwork wise everything's fine, but I still haven't been awarded anything.

I also have to get a hardship loan from one of our retirement accounts so that our home loan can be brought current.

I've thought about the hybrid car we were planning to purchase and even though it will save me money for today - its still adding $20,000 to my bottom line of debt. I'd rather pay off my current car while saving for a smaller (hybrid?) car. Because of my work I'll always need a larger car to transport furniture and things so we might as well keep the one. It'll be paid off within 14 months, its a 0% interest. The new car would have a lower payment, but, it would be for a hell of a lot longer. I believe that my husband and I need to stop borrowing from tomorrow and begin to live within what we have. I also believe that saving for something will help us place more value/respect on the item. To be handed the keys to a car and than have to pay for it for the next five years isn't fun - its like a tie around your neck. You lose your choices about what you can do with that car. Really - its not even my car until that last payment is made. The bank owns that car. So, I've just saved us $20,000 in new debt. I plan to put together a list of our debts so that I can know what's going on.

I listened to the hypnosis cd at about 6am, really while I was sleeping. I put it on continuous play and have no idea how many times it played over. I can however already tell there has been some small changes that are going on in my head and I am so excited to be going back. I wish I had done this sooner - but - I must not have been ready for it. Other things I want to work on: exercise, maybe body image, self esteem, possible block to learning math, etc.

Followed my eating plan today, again had cravings for sugar and was worried because I needed to go to the store for some medications. I ended up "consoling" myself by purchasing two bags of goldfish. The first bag was good, extra cheddar. The second bag is dry and doesn't really taste like much.

Went to the gym for a 40 minute cardio.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

CFM - Day 26

Started my morning by listening to the hypnosis cd. Felt kind of tired and moved in slow motion this morning. Went to clients, had to hang out for a couple hours doing nothing while waiting for contractors to complete their work. Again, felt tired, antisocial, awkward, didn't want to entertain my clients dramas.

Had a shake this morning, packed nuts for the road, had another shake before running out the door to my clients since it was so close to lunch time. While at my clients instead of eating the nuts I packed first, I made myself another shake believing it was my second shake of the day. I did this same thing yesterday also. Very odd.

I'm drinking a lot of water today, and it does taste fantastic! Also, the meal I made for myself last night was so wonderful that I made another one this evening. I should probably add some shrimp to it though so I can stay close on my program

This evening I had problems with sugar cravings and wanted to go out and get some m&m's. I ended up grabbing some tangerines instead. What was great was that ususally when I begin to get into the craving I'm not able to get my mind off of it for very long. I rarely have the thought of something else to take the place of the craving. It was an aha moment to think the thought of the tangerines.

Actually almost craving water. hmmmm

Finally, again had a craving for that elusive "something" and decided to make put together the remaining items on my food plan. It was late so I wasn't overly excited about cooking, but, I had 6 oz of shrimp, and cooked onions and tomatoes in the remaining 4 tsp of oil.

Didn't work out today and I have it my schedule for tomorrow. I'll go after I get out of my second doctors appointment - early evening.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

CFM - Day 25

Had a shake with 1 tsp of flax seed oil this am. Packed 1/8 cup of nuts. Had another shake about 2:00 just before heading to my doctors appointment. Ate the nuts after the appointment.

At my doctors suggestion, I planned to see a hypnotist regarding my sugar addiction. At the end of the workday I reluctantly went in for the appointment. It ended up being a fantastic session. left with a new assignment; listening to a hypnosis cd for the next 21 days. I'll add that to my goals at and track it. I can honestly see where this type of therapy could be extremely affective. Other than a few coughing fits during the session, I was able to stay in the hypnotized state.

The suggestions made during hypnosis were that I would see sugar as just another object, that I would prefer the sugar of fresh fruits and vegetables, that I would prefer the taste of water to sugary tasting drinks. At one point it was stated that I would feel repulsed by sugary foods, they would taste almost sickening, they would taste 10 times sweeter.

I have done group hypnosis in the past specifically for weight loss but it just didn't take. This session was quite different than the group one though. Her voice fluctuated a lot, I could actually feel what she was saying in my chest. Also, at times she said things that weren't how they are stated in proper english. Fortunately she warned me of this ahead of time so that I wouldn't get caught up on it.

When I came home from hypnosis I was far over the amount of time I should have allowed between meals. I was hungry and wanted to just grab something and veg out in front of the tv. What I ended up doing though is preparing a healthy snack/meal of hommus (my legume), veggies with 3 tsp of oil and wheat pita bread. It tasted fantastic and I felt like I was just grabbing something and vegging out. It felt almost effortless to make that healthy treat.

I missed some of my foods today, I ended up having a 3rd shake today in error, but, since I missed foods its probably for the better.

Snacking on grapes in bed and preparing to listen to the cd.

I weighed in at 170 today.

CFM - Day 24

I can tell my hemoglobin has dropped and I am becoming out of breath too easily and I am also overly tired. Damn. I am frustrated with having this problem. I really want it solved. It seems like each time I become aware that I am not falling asleep in the daytime, feeling more energetic than I have in years. . . . I start bleeding heavily and lose the energy. This is such bullshit.

Met with my client today, it was almost more of a social meeting than anything. I'm really trying to get this project rolling, or getting momentum under the rolling and sometimes it goes well other times not so well.

I ate okay today, not great though. I've been tracking my eating on My exercise has stopped again and I have no desire to start up again. Why? Why? Why will I not get this one? What is blocking me from the exercise routine? When I was skinny, about 115 pounds, I had no problem getting to the gym a few times a week. It felt good, I felt good going, I enjoyed. Now, 50 pounds heavier, I almost refuse to go, I resist it, I fight it, I ignore it and I refuse to put it on my schedule. In the past I didn't even need to put it on my schedule, I just stopped in in the evening hours and put in an hour. It was lovely. Since I moved from that gym I have always had to force myself. What's the deal.

When I start school next week I plan on changing gyms again. Its my goal to go to the gym at the college either before, between or after class. I may be trying to recreate my first experience at college - which was fabulous, but I realize its not recreatable unless I pay down my home by about $250,000.

CFM - Day 23

Out of bed at 6am to take husband to airport. Getting up at odd hours seems to really mess with my day. Returned from airport went back to bed, couldn't sleep, too tired to get up though. ended up playing on the computer and falling asleep at noon. Back up at 2:30 to get ready to go to my sons for dinner. Dinner was very healthy, met all my needs on the plan and I didn't even have a craving to eat ice cream for dessert - even though they were begging me to try it.

I again had the craving to eat sugar on the drive home from Lansing, about 1.5 hours drive. I resisted the urge and made it through another day without eating sugar! Fantastic!

Still have a cold, still having too heavy of a period, am feeling the beginnings of the anemia again. Need to call the doctor and get my medication changed. I'm on this medication because I do not plan on getting a hysterectomy and am searching for another means of correcting the problem without having to go to the extremes of surgery.

I start school in 2 weeks and am getting both nervous and excited. Hopefully my student aid will come through in time, if not I'll have to pay the dues from another source.