Well, I've dropped my architectural classes and taken the steps I need to take to arrange to have the hysterectomy.
I don't really want to write because I'm feeling pretty let down by this. I realize that it'll all work out in the end, I even realize that something good is going to come out of this, however, my hopes were so high that I need to accept that I had a long way to fall.
A difference that I see in my behavior that I may, actually, would not have done in the past, is that I am eating healthy and exercising daily. So, while I do feel down, I am committed to taking care of myself too. Because of these choices that's I'm making it'll be easier for me to get through the emotions that I'm feeling and then be able to spring back up (rather than crawl).
One important change I have made recently is that I have eliminated a medication that I've been on for the past three years. My doctor has had my on two anti-depressants, one for depression and another for anxiety. I recently weened myself off of one of the them and I'm doing really well. Yes, I feel down about school, but its a more natural down rather than a deep depression, nor am I feeling much anxiety. Hmmmm. . . .
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Alcoholic Relapse
Yesterday my son came over and informed me that his father had relapsed on alcohol and smoking. He was, of course, very upset. First his dad offered him a beer, and when he said "sure", his dad ordered one for himself also. My son was stunned. Twenty years ago my ex husband stopped drinking, six years ago he stopped smoking. His drinking stopped when he lost his job and was given the ultimatum of rehab to get his job back. His smoking stopped when he was hospitalized with a collapsed lung. It's taken an awful lot to get this man to respond.
Personally, I believe Rick, my ex, has been given his warnings. I believe he's choosing to ignore those warnings. Finally, I believe that he's not going to get any more warnings but that he is going to kill himself.
I have never seen a worse drunk than my ex husband and I have been in AA and sober for sixteen years myself. I just don't think he's gonna make it back.
I'm sure there are going to be blessings from this experience for my two sons, but right now its difficult to see. My youngest has the tendency to become addicted to mood altering vices. Hopefully, he will witness why it's important to take care of yourself and not become attached to things that are destructive.
My very best right now is to pray for all of them and hope that their father really can find recovery, and/or my youngest will find it also. My oldest son has belonged to alanon for a couple years now and has changed his life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate my relationship with my family as an 8. In order for it to be a 10 I, myself would be going to alanon meetings, and I would be making an effort to have family dinners.
Personally, I believe Rick, my ex, has been given his warnings. I believe he's choosing to ignore those warnings. Finally, I believe that he's not going to get any more warnings but that he is going to kill himself.
I have never seen a worse drunk than my ex husband and I have been in AA and sober for sixteen years myself. I just don't think he's gonna make it back.
I'm sure there are going to be blessings from this experience for my two sons, but right now its difficult to see. My youngest has the tendency to become addicted to mood altering vices. Hopefully, he will witness why it's important to take care of yourself and not become attached to things that are destructive.
My very best right now is to pray for all of them and hope that their father really can find recovery, and/or my youngest will find it also. My oldest son has belonged to alanon for a couple years now and has changed his life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate my relationship with my family as an 8. In order for it to be a 10 I, myself would be going to alanon meetings, and I would be making an effort to have family dinners.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Health vs. Education
I'm pretty upset about the results I received from my doctor regarding my blood tests. My hemoglobin is at 8.4 right now and she is recommending that I get a hysterectomy. This doctors opinion is the fourth opinion I've received on this.
I was supposed to start school next week. I won't be able to handle school and a hysterectomy in the same semester. Recovery time is approximately six weeks and I would either need to do it now or when school breaks for the winter. I don't know what to do. I want to start school so badly and I'm afraid that if I don't start school this semester that I'll never go back to school. Right now my schedule is such that I believe I could handle school and my part time career. I'll pray on this and see what guidance I receive. I won't make a decision until I feel certain that I am being shown what I need to do. Actually, it was through prayer that I was shown to go back to school. Why would a hysterectomy come up at the same time?
I have been following the body for life workout program for the past week and the eating plan given to me by my doctor. I actually am feeling pretty good too. The hypnosis session to eliminate my sugar cravings seems to have taken. I stopped eating sugar on August 9th and I'm enjoy carrots and fruits instead. I still listen to the cd each day/evening and am practicing the self hypnosis techniques I was shown. So far its working out great.
I was supposed to start school next week. I won't be able to handle school and a hysterectomy in the same semester. Recovery time is approximately six weeks and I would either need to do it now or when school breaks for the winter. I don't know what to do. I want to start school so badly and I'm afraid that if I don't start school this semester that I'll never go back to school. Right now my schedule is such that I believe I could handle school and my part time career. I'll pray on this and see what guidance I receive. I won't make a decision until I feel certain that I am being shown what I need to do. Actually, it was through prayer that I was shown to go back to school. Why would a hysterectomy come up at the same time?
I have been following the body for life workout program for the past week and the eating plan given to me by my doctor. I actually am feeling pretty good too. The hypnosis session to eliminate my sugar cravings seems to have taken. I stopped eating sugar on August 9th and I'm enjoy carrots and fruits instead. I still listen to the cd each day/evening and am practicing the self hypnosis techniques I was shown. So far its working out great.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
THURSDAY - Balancing Career and School
As I've mentioned several times throughout this blog, I'm about to begin graduate school and work towards a degree in Architecture. School begins next Wednesday and as of yet I have not gotten an answer regarding my financial aid/student loan. Needless to say, I'm concerned.
Having been a young, wild, irresponsible teenager who barely made it to high school graduation, I find it amazing that I am going for my Master's degree! A part of me doesn't believe that I can/will succeed, yet, the ambitious side of me knows that I can and will succeed.
I'm a bit concerned about maintaining my business, making enough of a living to pay our bills, and attending school. I'm concerned about a 7 credit studio class in my first semester. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up or that the college is allowing me to waive some classes based on my prior studies. Its been 13 years since I've been in school.
I'm 47 years old and I'm not in least worried about being the oldest student in the class. I don't really care about that, and, believe I have the advantage. I retain information better than I used to, I recognize what's important where as before I didn't really know. I can focus better now than in my past, I schedule more reasonably and honestly, I recognize and appreciate the value of this education. I am excited, frightened, and thrilled to be going back to school. I feel blessed to be able to.
Having been a young, wild, irresponsible teenager who barely made it to high school graduation, I find it amazing that I am going for my Master's degree! A part of me doesn't believe that I can/will succeed, yet, the ambitious side of me knows that I can and will succeed.
I'm a bit concerned about maintaining my business, making enough of a living to pay our bills, and attending school. I'm concerned about a 7 credit studio class in my first semester. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up or that the college is allowing me to waive some classes based on my prior studies. Its been 13 years since I've been in school.
I'm 47 years old and I'm not in least worried about being the oldest student in the class. I don't really care about that, and, believe I have the advantage. I retain information better than I used to, I recognize what's important where as before I didn't really know. I can focus better now than in my past, I schedule more reasonably and honestly, I recognize and appreciate the value of this education. I am excited, frightened, and thrilled to be going back to school. I feel blessed to be able to.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
MONDAY - Romantic Love
I've held off on this one and put it in draft mode for several days. For me, right now, the most romantic behavior I can show is to be supportive, accepting and non- judgemental.
My husband and I have been married for nine years and have known each other for twelve. Unfortunately, when you know someone for a long period of time it becomes easier to get into some behavioral habits that aren't kind, healthy, supportive or loving.
Recently I made a choice to stop reacting when I don't approve of something he says or does. I'm working on shutting my mouth and just trying to listen to him. This is not an easy task for me. I'm an outspoken person while he is a more guarded person.
The more resentments I'm carrying around, the more critical and outspoken I am. I'm working on my thought process regarding resentments and it is helping me greatly to be more accepting.
Right now, this is what romance is to me. I am creating a more gentle, loving environment for my husband and I to relate in and I have seen a more loving, appreciative husband as a result.
My husband and I have been married for nine years and have known each other for twelve. Unfortunately, when you know someone for a long period of time it becomes easier to get into some behavioral habits that aren't kind, healthy, supportive or loving.
Recently I made a choice to stop reacting when I don't approve of something he says or does. I'm working on shutting my mouth and just trying to listen to him. This is not an easy task for me. I'm an outspoken person while he is a more guarded person.
The more resentments I'm carrying around, the more critical and outspoken I am. I'm working on my thought process regarding resentments and it is helping me greatly to be more accepting.
Right now, this is what romance is to me. I am creating a more gentle, loving environment for my husband and I to relate in and I have seen a more loving, appreciative husband as a result.
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