CEA - Day 262

CEA - Day 262

Step 10. #45 Have you stopped trying to make unreasonable demands on the ones you love? Write on the last unreasonable demand and the results of that demand. How do you tell what is reasonable and what is unreasonable?

Richard and I are polar opposites on how we resolve conflict. Since he's been on the board of directors of our condo association I've been reacting to the way that he is dealing with the other directors and/or the condo manager. To me, the place is going downhill, repairs are not being done to the building, the old board allowed the dues to get behind $200,000, etc. Richard chooses to deal with the wacky/sick personalities through a slow and steady patience and confrontation, myself, I want to contact an attorney. The results of our debating over how best to handle this situation has been a lot of arguing and because of that I have informed Richard that because I do not have the authority or power to change the situation, that I would prefer that he stop telling me all the problems that are going on with the board. Again, if I choose to I can contact an attorney and see what can be done about the board allowing the dues to get so far into arrears.

Starting A New Job

I'm finally back to work after having taken eight weeks off following surgery. I have, in the past, been self employed, over employed, unemployed and underemployed. My goal this time around is to try to maintain some type of balance primarily because it is in the balance that I believe God lives.

Fortunately I am a very quick learner, unfortunately I don't have anyone to train me. Hmmmm, the dilemma of trying to sell a product I can believe in, but am unsure how much of the product the client needs. I have contacted my sales manager and informed her that I need some kind of training on how exactly to measure a customers home and come up with the correct amount of yardage needed foir carpet. Her response, "just email me the floor plan and I'll figure out the yardage needed". Not exactly a teaching technique.

It seems a bit silly that I'm uncomfortable determining how much yardage of carpeting a client might be needing, however, I'm sitting at a table with the client watching over my shoulder, trying to do a carpet layout, figure what to do with the excess carpet, how to use the fills, and unsure of what I'm doing. Its fairly stressful. If I knew someone was going to come behind me and measure out the job, I'd feel a bit more secure. However, if I make a mistake, its my responsibility to pay for the mistake! I'm definitely planning on erring on the greater side.

Additionally, the customer is talking all the while I'm doing the figuring. They're changing their mind, asking for a quote six ways, chatting about their home, their children, etc. Whoa, I'm definitely needing to have to learn a way to work under these conditions.

I haven't even been scheduling the window treatment sales calls yet. I really need to study all the specifications of these treatments. I went on one call and literally had no idea what I was talking about. It was awful! I vowed not to schedule any more until I'm able to get through reading and comprehending the catalogs. I need to know what I'm selling! Unfortunately, the company who hired me expects me to know the specifications because I have been an Interior Designer. However, being an Interior Designer does not necessarily mean I have all this knowledge already. I actually hired all this out. I hired people to do the measuring and determine the yardage. I hired people to measure windows and let me know if I was specifying something that wouldn't work.

Its not just looking like a clueless bimbo that bothers me, but, these customers deserve to have someone who is trained and informed.

Finally, I'm not ready to be going out on these sales calls and am going to have to insist that I be taught about the products I'm selling.

Where To Tithe

I've been struggling lately with where I should be tithing.

Over the past couple of years I've been feeling more and more detached from my church and as a result have been attending less and less. Today, while at church, I realized that I no longer belong there.

So, I am at the moment churchless. Where than shall I tithe?

Dave Ramsey refers to it as giving, and keeps a column in the budget for this giving. Giving he describes as giving to a worthy cause. Other teachers have referred to giving where you are spiritually fed. Hmm. . . .

I certainly can come up with many worthy causes that I believe in. There are many shelters and programs within ten miles of my home that I would be happy to donate to.

Currently I am being spiritually fed at the Alcoholics Anonymous tables I've been sitting at.

But, the question remains, where do you tithe when you don't have a church? Is a tithe only set aside for a church? God works in so many places in addition to, and other than churches. . . .

Financial Peace University

Last week my husband and I began attending Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class at our local church. Very motivating material!

Although I think its too early to really comment on any changes that have taken place, I can comment on one. The first weeks assignment is to put together a budget, based on the budget in the Dave Ramsey's workbook. For some reason my husband and I were able to walk through this budget with only a minimum of disagreement! I know this is due in part to our bi weekly financial meetings, but, there was a noted difference in the amount of stress and discomfort during this meeting. Even when we totaled up the monthly bare bones expenses, and they equaled twice our monthly income, we were able to look at the numbers in a detached manner.

Since that meeting last week, I have returned to work at a very limited capacity, and my husband has picked up a second job. Whether there will be any results of this second job is unknown yet because its a sales position and my husband has proven to be very slow in going forward into anything new.

I'll keep posting my experiences from this wonderful program.

Living With Anemia

I've had iron deficient anemia for almost four years now. The primary symptoms of my anemia have been fatigue, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, irritability, dizziness and lightheadedness. Although I can occassionally get my hemoglobin up to 12, a healthier red blood count, it usually records at a 9 and sometimes drops down to 7. A couple of times last year I was hospitalized because of an extremely low hemoglobin and required to stay overnight to see if I would need a transfusion.

Having been sick for such a long period of time has altered the way I live. I don't have the energy to do all the running around I once did, I can't seem to get motivated to attend anything unless it's absolutely necessary. My social life has been reduced down to nothing. Old friends and family members wonder why I don't call, or don't answer my voice messages. I have little tolerance for going out for a Sunday drive, or shopping just to look around. There's no extra energy to clean a big home, or work in the garden.

While this may sound awful to most people, I have to admit there have been some benefits that I'll be able to use when my health returns.

The number one benefit that I have learned from this illness is time efficiency. No longer do I waste a minute of my time doing things that aren't absolutely necessary. I have created systems in my life that allow me to function to the best of my ability to take the best care of myself.

Even though I have been sober for 16 years, its a necessity that I attend AA meetings on a regular basis for some peace of mind and to connect with other individuals who can understand my problem. This ongoing attendance insures that I can remain sober for another 16 plus years.

Using this as an example: I set my alarm for 6am for a 7am AA meeting. I have 30 minutes to get ready since I have to walk out my door at 6:30 am in order to be on time. Not being a morning person, I have a hard time thinking at that time of day. Its difficult to figure out what to wear, or to pack my gym bag at that time of day for the workout that will follow the meeting . I must eat or my blood sugar levels will drop and I won't be able to function properly.

Rather than having to run around in the morning, or having to get up earlier than 6am, I prepare my food the night before. I keep vegetables cut up in the fridge in case I don't have energy for those times when I need them, I put some onions and green peppers in a pan with some oil, add 3 egg whites and 1 whole egg, 1/4 cup of brown rice (large batch premade) and put together some scrambled eggs for the morning. I lay my clothes out for the meeting the night before or sometime the day before depending on when I have the most energy, and have my gym clothes already organized into an outfit because that's how I've folded them when I did laundry (ie. pants, shirt, jacket, bra, on top of pants, shirt, jacket, bra, etc.) I take a shower the night before and dry my hair sitting down. Sometimes I dry my hair in two spurts of energy so I don't wear myself out too much.

In the morning, I put the eggs in the microwave, and heat them up while I put on makeup. I get dressed in the clothes that are already laid out, grab my gym bag, eat my food and walk out the door. Honestly, there's not much more to it than that.

Other things I've done to accommodate this illness. . . I don't answer the phone unless I have the energy too. I don't take work calls after 5pm nor will I schedule work over the weekend. I underbook my schedule knowing that if I have added energy I can fit a couple of more errands in my day.

Of course, (doesn't it always work this way) my husband has the energy of two people. He plans things one on top of the other. He can't understand why I'd rather call to see when a business is open when you could just drive there, why fax when you can deliver and talk to someone in person, etc. While my schedule must seem crazy to him, his definitely seems crazy to me.

This Saturday I had planned on going to the 7 AA meeting, then over to the farmers market for our weeks groceries. If I have energy, I will go to the gym. To me this seems like plenty of activities to put into my day, knowing that I'll also have to prepare meals and whatever else I do on a daily basis. My husband, however, has plans to do all three of those things with me, and he wants us to go to a party at a friends in Lansing (about 1.5 hours away - think round trip). Later I find out that he made plans for one of our neighbors to come over to our new condo in the morning to discuss design plans for a restaurant.

How can I fit all this activity into one day? I can't. He'll need to call the neighbor and ask him to call me to schedule a meeting, and he'll most likely have to go to the party on his own.

Other areas that have been altered to help me function more efficiently. . . my makeup is laid out on a tray so I don't have to dig into a makeup bag to find things, all financial paperwork fits into three folders and stays together near my computer so I can pay bills, update my budget, and file it all at once. I do ALL of my banking on line and don't even have a checkbook. My cupboards are organized according to the amount of times I use things. I overstock or double stock food items, medications, and toiletries so that I don't have to run out to get something.

Having been ill for so long I've developed an incredibly efficient system for my use of time. Although I'm not looking forward to having surgery (total hysterectomy) next week to correct this problem, I am looking forward to having more energy, building up a social life again, getting back into business, and being able to do things I haven't been able to for the past 4 years.

Finding My Step

I've had a whirlwind of activity in my life for the past two months and am very much looking forward to things settling down.

I'm in my new home, for the most part unpacked, still getting organized and am working on creating a routine or pattern to my days and weeks.

I now have to schedule in the laundry mat, I no longer have my favorite market that I went to weekly, I don't have as many household responsibilities, I'm not familiar with where to shop for the best deals. Meijers, Target, Best Buy. . . . . . . none of these stores exist in Detroit and I'm wanting to be able to spend my dollars here in the city.

I'm working on creating a healthy, productive schedule that's going to take care of me in a positive, balanced way. For the past few days, I've begun my mornings by attending a 7am Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Grosse Point, and then heading to the new YMCA in downtown Detroit. Because I recognize that I can become obsessive about setting goals, I've decided to allow this pattern to develop and repeat itself until it becomes a habit. I don't plan on becoming rigid about adding other plans to my schedule, however, I'll look for new things to do that will make my life feel fabulous and fulfilling.

This past weekend my husband and I went to the Detroit Farmers Market. What a fantastic way to spend an afternoon! I LOVE to feel as if I'm getting a bargain, and this is definitely a place for bargains. A box of fresh, juicy clementines for $2.00, eggs fresh from the farm, large bags of apples for $4.00! Then we discovered there was a meat market across the street which we hadn't seen before. They had a special on N.Y. Strips for $2.95 a pound, and their prices for Amish chickens and turkeys are better than what they're charging in the grocery stores for just regular hormone filled chickens. It really was a fun time and I came home with plenty of fresh food for the week, and plans to return again this weekend.

I've determined that there's not a lot I can do about my employment until after my surgery, although I have been applying for jobs and following up on leads and referrals that I've come across. Hopefully this effort will pay off for when I'm back on my feet and able to get back to work. In the meantime, we continue to tithe 10% back for what God has given us and have been receiving many rich rewards because of it.

So, although finding my step is a bit of a challenge, I'm finding it to be a fun challenge. There are so many new things to see downtown, and new places to discover. I believe by putting God and myself first in the morning I'll have the energy and drive to make these new discoveries.

Looking for Work

Lately I've been looking on the internet for a new job. I've been successfully self employed for 13 years up until I suffered the loss of my retail store in 2004. I've spent the last 3 years working with the insurance company and lawyers, and working on two outstanding Interior Design projects. I've recently completed a commercial project and am now wrapping up my last large residential project.

Rather than start all over, get out and network, take on lots of small projects to rebuild a business, I think I'd prefer to go to work for someone else.

I know that I am a really good designer, I know that I'm a good mentor for other designers, I work really well with clients and have a strong business background. Yet, while I'm searching the classifieds, I feel inadequate, out of date, and insignificant.

I find myself applying for work that I'm overqualified for and, although I'm applying, feeling intimidated by the positions that I'm interested in. I recognize that my computer skills are out of date, and that there are many new computer programs that Interior Designers are using that I'm not familiar with. I recognize that employers are wanting experience in Auto Cad, and my only experience is self taught. I know enough CAD to put together my clients drawings, and do presentations, but am not familiar with the complete program as it could be used.

Additionally, I lost my portfolio in the store flood and didn't bother to replace it. I would need to return to clients that I haven't worked with in years to get some photographs. I stopped taking on new clients after the flood, primarily because I was overwhelmed by the incredible amounts of information required by the insurance company, having to relocate and downsize my company, and, by the fact that I was anemic and unable to perform my job at full capacity.

Anyway, it feels depressing and discouraged. I don't know whether I should start my business all over again, or seek employment that I don't feel equipped to do, or secure employment that I'm overqualified for. I'm very uncomfortable being in a position of not knowing what to do next. I'm certainly an action oriented person, but, when I don't know what action to take I feel stuck.

In the meantime, I've updated my resume and am submitting it those companies I feel intimidated by. I've also updated my business cards and will purchase the products I'm needing to have them printed. And, since some action is better than no action, I will begin by handing a stack of my cards to each of the clients that I am in the process of completing, letting them know that I am looking for new clients. Finally, I am going to act as if I am rebuilding my business and if God sees otherwise for me, I will be happy to take whatever path he shows me.

A Whirlwind of Activity

Its been three weeks now since my husband and I signed on with a realtor to either sell or lease our home. Fortunately, we were able to find a tenant within ten days and they were prepared to move in by the first of December. This gave us two weeks to pack, reduce our belongings from 4,000 square feet to 1,000, move, and prepare the house for rental.

We've began packing our bags, scheduled an estate sale, and moved into our (much!) smaller home. We scheduled inspections with the city, contacted an organization to remove most of the items which didn't sell at our estate sale, packed items we decided to keep after they didn't sell at the estate sale, and moved them into our (much!) smaller home.

We had decided that if the living room furnishings didn't sell we would keep it and put it in our new home. Its larger scale than I prefer, but, it saves us the cost of buying new. Even as I write this last statement, I realize how absurd that can sound. I'm a designer, and, thus, an absolute perfectionist about my home, its layout, color, proportions, etc. This furniture is extremely high end, and, I would not be able to purchase anything even remotely as nice (see photo). Anyway, the living room furniture didn't sell, so, I hired two men and a truck to help us move it.

Finally, the inspector didn't show up for his meeting on Wednesday, but showed up Thursday afternoon, creating a lot of drama and stress for today. He determined that all of the gfi's need to be replaced, and all of the outlets need to be changed over to 2 wire because we don't have a ground wire for the 3 prong. That's 44 outlets needing to be changed over! Additionally, we don't have a ground for the gfi in the master bathroom and will need to remove some tiles in order to tie it in with the cold water pipe. This project requires an electrical permit to be pulled and everything replaced - by today! We called our electrician and he immediately came over to help, he pulled the permit this morning and the inspector agreed to come back by the end of today and approve the electrical work if it was done. Hopefully, and incredibly, it appears that we are going to be able to make the deadline in order for the tenants to move in tomorrow morning. Whew!

While my husband oversees the remaining cleaning, painting, and electrical work today, I am at our new home unpacking, organizing, and locating furniture.

This past week our unexpected expenses included auto repairs of $500, electrical work of $500 plus, furnace repairs of $700 plus, and moving company expenses of $350. Amazingly we had this money available due to the estate sale!

As I sit here writing this post I wonder if others can see how quickly God helped us to (literally) move in our lives. When we became entirely ready to whatever it took to help us get out of debt, and took the first step, God supported our decision. One month ago neither my husband nor I had any intention of moving to our condo, yet, the moment we became ready to take action, and opened our minds to the changes we were shown to take, God immediately supported us in our decision and made sure that we had everything available to make the changes, and meet the demands that came up along the way. Thank you God!

Getting Settled

My husband and I are still in the process of moving our things to our condo. We began sleeping at our condo on Wednesday evening and have been unpacking boxes daily.

We held the estate sale this weekend, Saturday and Sunday and were able to sell most of the large furnishings and a lot of the smaller miscellaneous items. The sale grossed $8500. After paying the estate company we made $5300.

Earlier this week a client of mine decided to purchase a piece of artwork for $5600. I don't want to get my hopes up too high though until I see the check.

Additionally my husband has been booked to do a lot more performances than he would normally do, so he is bringing in additional acting income.

It seems like all avenues have been opened up for our prosperity. Our plan is to get ourselves financially prepared for me to have my surgery and take six to eight weeks off of work, and to reduce our debts.

Our move won't be complete until the end of this week when we've moved the remaining furnishings out of of home, donated the smaller items still in the house, prepared the home for the renters, and moved a few pieces of furniture to our new condo.

Our renters are moving in this coming Saturday. Fortunately, they attended the estate sale and purchased our bedroom furniture, office furniture and one of our twin beds. In other words, these items won't need to be moved.

I'm really looking forward for things to start calming down a bit and getting settled into our new home, and beginning to collect rent to help us reduce our bills.

Ch. . .ch.... ch. . . ch. . . Changes!

Wow, there are a lot of things happening for us right now. . . . .

1. We've scheduled an Estate Sale for this coming weekend and what an incredible amount of work this requires. I realize that the company I hired is supposed to take care of everything, but, we still have to go through everything to make sure we want to sell it. There are several thing that we had overlooked thinking that we had searched through everything. Yesterday the people were here to begin setup of the sale, while they were unpacking they pulled out boxes and boxes of basketball cards that my kids have saved from when they were little. My husband and I went online to see what a couple of them were worth we came across one that was valued at $300! The problem is that there are thousands of these cards and they aren't priced, they aren't our cards to sell, and neither of my kids has the ability to research prices right now. We've decided to just pack them back up and take them to someone we know who deals in cards to see what their value is.

2. We're still packing to move down to our condo downtown. This has been fairly difficult only because both my husband and I are sick right now. Packing is not my favorite thing to do, I have a tendency to under pack and my husband over packs. Hopefully we'll be able to balance this out. I've recently learned that the small storage unit we have at the condo is not accessible right now due to asbestos in the area of the unit.

3. We've found a renter for our home and will be meeting with the realtor this evening to review the contract. This has been incredibly fast, yet, we had three families a day coming through our home to look at it. This renter will be moving in on the first of December so we need to make sure the house is in top shape for that to happen.

4. Our furnace needs to be repaired. We knew this was coming, but, my husband and I have been tolerating the furnace problems. Today they came out and quoted a minimum of $500+ to replace a few parts and bleed the lines. I'm crossing my fingers on this project because I know it could go into a lot more expenses than what is being quoted. We'll have to wait and see. Thank goodness we have that $1000 emergency fund though.

5. We'll be having Thanksgiving at our new home. I hadn't been planning on it until one of my sisters called to find out where we were meeting. I'm aware she has nowhere to go so I invited her to join us for dinner. After inviting her though I realized I needed to invite my other sisters also. It ends up that we'll be having two of my sisters, my brother in law, one of my sons, and possibly my granddaughter for dinner. I only have place settings for 4 at the condo so we'll be using paper plates (at least my husband and I will), and some plastic silverware. Fortunately we do have enough seating for everyone and we have an amazing view to look out at while we eat. (Photo on post is the view from our front window)

Both my husband and I are starting to get a bit excited about moving, and we're very tired at the same time. Of course there remains to be a lot of things to do, not just in the packing, but in the unpacking and furnishing of the condo. Our furniture from the large house doesn't translate into this smaller space and we're short one bed, some living room furnishings, and an area rug on a concrete floor. Additionally, there's a bit of construction work remaining to be done and we'll need to put up some window treatments for the neighbors across the way.

I'm most especially looking forward to reducing our monthly overhead expenses! Fortunately the cost for heat is included in our association fees and we are only responsible for our electrical expenses.

Packing Our Bags

Last week my husband and I met with a realtor, again, and signed a contract to put our home on the market for lease with option. He looked at both of our homes, let us know which he felt he could rent the soonest, and gave us rental prices for both homes.

If I haven't mentioned it before, our largest home has been on and off the market for the past three years. Our price went from $390,000 down to $330,000 with no offers. Recently, we were told our home would sell for approximately $260,000. Unfortunately our mortgage is for $318,000 and we're not in a financial position to take any losses, let alone that size of a loss.

Our second home is an 1100 square foot loft on the river in Downtown Detroit. It is in a high rise building with valet and amazing water views all around. I've wanted to move down there, but, we were thinking we would rent it on an executive rental program. The condo is already partially furnished, has all the needs for kitchen and bath, and is only in need of a few pieces of furniture.

I've been packing what we plan to take with us and my husband's been cleaning the home top to bottom. Tomorrow we have 2 couples scheduled to view our home at the rental price of $1595 per month, $100 of which would go to our rental company for management fees. Our current payment with taxes and insurance is $3000.

With the renting out of our home we will not only have an additional $1495 coming in monthly, but, we'll be eliminating our monthly utilities. In the winter, these utilities can total up to $500 - $700.

We will be responsible for any maintenance situations that come up, and, I already know they will be coming up. There are also some repairs that will need to be taken care of right away, our furnace isn't working on the upper level, some areas of the house need repainting, window repairs, etc.

We'll be moving from approximately 3000 square feet down to 1100 square feet so we need to get rid of a lot of things. I've scheduled a meeting with an estate sale company to see about selling all of our furnishings, kitchen items, linens, toys, etc. Hopefully, they will be interested and available to make something happen quickly.

Whoops, spoke too soon when I said quickly! I met with the Estate Sale company and they're going to hold the sale November 24th and 25th! They'll be coming over on Monday morning to begin setting up the sale. I'll be spending the weekend packing those items I plan on taking to my loft.

I've called my kids to see if they're wanting anything before I sell it all. They'll be coming over tomorrow evening to celebrate my husband's birthday and hopefully take whatever they are wanting.

I've delayed my surgery that was originally scheduled for November 21st, primarily because I wouldn't be able to pay my house payments if I was off work. I haven't set aside enough money to be able to take off six to eight weeks to recuperate, and I don't want to feel afraid while I'm trying to recover.

I feel certain that with all the changes my husband and I have been making that we are well on our way to becoming debt free. I'm in a place where I feel willing to do whatever it takes to pay off all this debt.

While all this is going on, I've decided to return to my doctor and ask for help (again) with my eating disorder. I struggle with my eating constantly. I'm neither anorexic or bulimic, but I do have a problem that I need to deal with. I've committed to my doctor that I would attend Overeaters Anonymous (again) and make additional efforts to deal with this problem.

Does it sound like I'm taking on too much? It does to me, but, I'm not doing anything that doesn't need to be done. I need money and I need to take better care of myself.

FINANCIAL MEETING #5

What a nightmare! I really recognized why my husband and I haven't sat down and done our expenses together in the past.

Yesterday, my husband had a really rough day at work. His job is overly stressful due to a politically appointed boss (that changes with each election), who has no experience. Political appointees are oftentimes someone who has held fund raisers, or knows someone who knows someone, etc. They aren't required to have qualifications for the jobs they are appointed to, but instead are pretty much thrust into a position and they either take an active role or a passive role in their position.

Currently, his boss is taking not only an active roll, but an abusive roll. She's pretty well destroyed the department by abusing those who knew how to run the department until they couldn't tolerate it any longer. Many accepted much less paying positions just to get away.

Unfortunately, my husband has not been able to get out of the job, after 20 some years, and has reported some of her abuses to the human resource department in order to protect himself. Worse, by his reporting the problem it has created an even more hostile environment.

Anyway, having come home in that frame of mind, we had our scheduled financial meeting. Certainly, this was a mistake. It seemed as though all the abuses that were heaped on him that day were now being brought to the financial table.

While I have fear about money, my husband has hatred and rage about money. There is so much anger coming from him about money, that, in the past, I had chosen not to confide in him and had just taken over the bill paying. Bill paying was all that was happening in our household though. Nobody was paying attention to what was coming in, what was going out, what was being saved, or what was being spent.

I find it very difficult to be in the same room with him when this rage comes out. Its not rage at me, its rage towards money. Yet, I don't know how to stay present around it. (Actually, after re-reading this last statement, I shouldn't stay present around it! I need to set a boundary and walk out of the meeting if it gets that heated. That much anger, to me, belongs in a therapists office.)

When the subject of Christmas came up, and it only came up because it was on the agenda, my husband seemed to completely fall to pieces. He informed me that he felt like we were letting his daughter down financially, that he wanted to be able to give the kids whatever they wanted - like we have in the past, etc.

The dynamics of our relationship seems to be that when my husband gets weepy or (what I call) overly emotional/dramatic), I get angry. When I get weepy he gets weepier . . . . then I get angry. Its not a pretty picture.

Needless to say, this meeting resulted in a melt down by each of us. By the end of the meeting both of us had been crying, myself because I was so frustrated, my husband- for many reasons.

Later, when both my husband and I were calmed down and the financial meeting had ended, I asked him why he believed he had so much anger towards money. He indicated that money was used as a tool/weapon against him in his family and later in his relationships. I have never seen anyone have such a strong, hateful reaction towards money.

I on the other hand, have very few memories about money. Money wasn't really discussed in my family, it was a bit of a secret. I knew we didn't have any, we didn't have enough for our basic needs, but, we did have two large homes.

I'm not sure how we're going to go forward from here. I don't ever want to have to go through what I went through at last nights meeting. We did discuss the inappropriate way the meeting went, and, that neither of us should be coming to the tables loaded up with that much emotional baggage.

Additionally, I have had to be responsible for finances my entire adult life, my husband, on the other hand, has never had to be responsible. He has always had someone else take care of his finances. He is actually coming to the table with, by his own admission, very little financial experience, and making some fairly awful financial recommendations.

You know, if it had to sum this up right now, I'd have to say that my husband is a bit of a spoiled brat and he's having a loud, and obnoxious, childish temper tantrum, that, while he claims he'd like me to take him seriously, cannot be taken seriously.

Well, even though I didn't have anything nice to say, I feel better for having said it.

Making Money On Line

I'm always searching for a way to make money online.

I've signed up to take surveys at cashcrate.com , which wouldn't be a problem, except, you can't get out of the surveys! What prompted me to sign up was when a fellow blogger had listed his income for the month as $63. I now realize he had to have been on line for many, many hours to get his account that high.

I'm currently checking on an old website I had purchased which appears to still be in my account at Network Solutions. I'd like to get the website going and begin selling products that I've made for children. I'll let you know how that's working out.

Finally, I recently came across a website that was recommended to me by someone I trust. Also, just last night, I was reading about the law of attraction, and I was shown this site this morning. Whenever I pray and then see a possible answer to that prayer I gratefully respond.

So, if you're interested in making an income on line, just listen to a short tape, sign up for free, and pass it on. http://www.mypowermall.com/Biz/Home/73621

SEARCHING FOR THE GOOD

My father used to tell me, "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." so, I haven't written lately.

After my fourth financial meeting with my husband, I was feeling pretty worn out. I see my finances and I can't believe I've managed to get myself into this mess. I currently have $74,000 in credit card, student loans, and construction loans and another $460,000 in mortgage debt. So, the good news is that my husband read Dave Ramsey's, "Total Money Makeover" and has agreed to come on board with me. Additionally I have seen my husband make a complete turn around in his financial thought process and I believe because of this we are now in a position to overcome our debts.

I'm concerned because my business has dropped off more than 90%, and I have health problems that cause me to be fatigued and unable to work at my normal capacity. Right now I'm scheduled for surgery November 22nd, but may have to delay it because I don't have enough money set aside to pay my mortgages. I also may be forced to delay it because my iron levels are too low for surgery. The surgery requires that I take six to eight weeks off of work. So, the good news is that I can see the problem, have the awareness that I need to build my emergency fund right now.

I had planned on going to grad school and realize that financially I'm not in a position to. The tuition is $7,000 per semester and I, of course, was planning to pay for this with student loans. So. the good news is I'm not creating $14,000 of additional debt this year.

I'm needing a new action plan and I'm not sure which way to go. I feel in a bit of a catch 22 because I don't want to build a business, one, that I don't really like anymore, and, two, when I'm too ill to follow through. So, the good news is I'm taking a bit of a siesta, praying and waiting for God to show me the way.

I've been listing items for sale on craigslist, attempting to sell some of my art collection, and communicating with a furniture store to purchase lighting fixtures. So the good news is, I have valuable things to sell.

I did sell a set of tires my son had left in my garage and I split the money with him, the artwork is in limbo and, actually, so are the light fixtures. The furniture store owner indicated he wanted them and then hasn't done anything to follow up. Well, the good news is, I still have the fixtures and if the original person who said he wants them doesn't want them any longer - I'll sell them to someone else.

I've contacted a rental company to have him look at both of our homes. Both would rent WAY under the amount that we currently pay for them. The good news is, both houses are beautiful, I can schedule a photographer to take pictures, and can submit those pictures to national magazines for consideration.

This month I have very little receivables out there and am again afraid I won't be able to pay this months bills. My clients are cutting back on purchases and its been affecting my income greatly. Oh well, I didn't mention that last month my income was $7500. Who knows what it will be this month. Hmmm, the good news could be that all income is a bit of a surprise and I am EXTREMELY grateful each time it comes in.

I do have debt through my business that I must pay off, while at the same time paying myself a salary. I can no longer ignore my business though and use the money from it to just pay my bills. I need to pay my clients bills first, since it is their money for their product. So, the good news here is that I WILL be out of debt at my office since I'm putting a portion of all my business income towards past debt. The even better news is that I do not have a lot of past due debts at my office and the debts that I do have have varying due dates, ie. deposit first - four months later the balance is due. I can get the orders going, since my clients already paid me, and prepare to pay off the balances.

Finally, I live on a 1/2 acre of land, in Michigan, and there are loads of leaves that need to be raked up and taken to the roadside. I let the lawn service go to save money. So, the good news is, I have a heck of a workout ahead of me. :)

FRUGAL GROCERY SHOPPING

I had an interesting experience at the grocery store yesterday. I took $194 cash with me to shop, and, even though I didn't count as I went along, I was becoming concerned that I was exceeding that amount. I wasn't too worried because I had my debit card with me, but, my husband and I are successfully trying to use a cash only system.

One thing I've been doing different when I grocery shop is to make sure I am not purchasing any convenience items. Carrots that have been peeled, lettuce that's been washed and cut up, beans that have been cooked, chicken stock that's been made for me, butter that's been whipped, etc. Another thing that I've been doing is to purchase meats and fish only if they are on sale. Fortunately, Meijers had whole chickens for .79 per pound. I purchased six of them, only because that's all the will fit in my freezer.

Although its mostly just my husband and I, my husband is a H-U-G-E eater. He eats enough for a family of four or more easily. When he eats, he stands over the sink and devours an entire chicken. Then he moves on to the next item and devours it, etc.

Two weeks ago I purchased six pounds of mixed nuts for $24. That's only $4 a pound! A great deal. Today there pretty well gone. Well, that's not such a great deal any longer. In fact, that's quite expensive. Twelve dollars a week just for nuts is no longer a bargain.

Knowing about my husbands tendency to binge on certain foods, I seek out cheaper and cheaper prices in those areas where he's tearing through the pantry. Yesterday, I found ballpark peanuts on sale for .99 per pound. Of course, I stocked up on them. My other trick is to buy nuts that my husband doesn't really like, like walnuts. Since he eats nuts everyday on the advise of a medical program, (he's supposed to be eating 3/4th cup a day), if there aren't nuts in the house than he thinks he's not on "the program".

Finally, I've started really stretching the foods. Rather than even having a whole chicken around for him to eat, I've been making meals where I break up the chicken and mix it with other items that will fill him up. Spaghetti sauce with chicken over brown rice, chicken soup with vegetable and rice, tonight there's chili, etc. The rice is made in a $8.00 rice cooker I bought recently, and I make 6 cups every 3 days. Two pounds of rice costs $1.25 and lasts for a couple of weeks.

I've been purchasing ground turkey when it's on sale and making large batches of spaghetti , last night I bought some kielbasa and steak that I'll figure into some sort of mixed dish rather than a single serving of the meat. This allows me to have more more than one serving of that meat, and sometimes up to three. Ie. spaghetti with rice for dinner for both of us , the next days lunch for my husband , and one more meal for both of us.

This is something that I used to do when my children were little and I didn't have a lot of money. I stretched everything! Fortunately, I have the knowledge and skills to do this.

It actually doesn't take that much more time to do this. I usually spend half a day on the weekends cooking, making large salads, peeling a large bowl of carrots, cutting up a large bowl of celery for the week. I cook more than one kind of soup at a time, or spaghetti and soup, I have more than one burner going. I make enough to freeze two or three large servings of each.

One challenge I'm having right now is that I don't have an oven. Its been broken since the summer. We've been cooking on the grill outdoors and I've been using the cooktop. Well, its getting a bit cold here in Michigan so I need to solve the problem.

In order to solve the problem I went on line to see if there were instructions on how to repair a fairly new GE Monogram Oven. There is. I've followed the beginnings of the instructions and need to continue on to the next step. They recommend putting a piece of paper on the connector, which I did, then if that doesn't work I'm to take off one of the parts and see what happens. I've never done this before, but, I feel its worth the money savings to attempt to do this myself. I'm not going to let myself be intimidated.

Finally, when I got to the checkout counter at Meijers, my cart was filled to the top. I was pretty certain I had gone over the $194 - or thought I was very close. The cashier rang up all the items, packaged the cart with about 30 bags, and my total was $124! I was pleasantly surprised, the cashier was shocked though and commented on how a basket that size would cost her more than a couple hundred dollars.

She let me know she had a family of 5 and 3 grandchildren living in her home. I passed on my secret of no convenience foods and felt great that my frugality may help another.

Prior to my starting this program of debt reduction and frugality, my grocery bill was over $1000 every month. This month I have spent approximately $350, and, I can see where I can reduce this even more.

Overcoming Obstacles

In my bio, I refer to the fact that I have overcome many obstacles in my past. I recognize that I am again relying on those tools I relied on when I was in an incredibly difficult situation as a young woman.

When I was in high school my father used to kick me out of the house quite often. I would then try to find a safe place to stay. I often stayed at a friends house whose parents didn't seem to mind that I was sleeping in their sons bedroom. I'd stay at girlfriends houses, in my boyfriends car, strangers houses, etc. Now when I think of this I realize that the stress and fear I was living with was incredible.

One of my most memorable places was in a tent, squatting on someone's land, staying with my boyfriend and his friends. I remember one evening his friends coming to our campsite, getting high and drunk, and driving their mothers car into the lake! It was the dumbest thing I think I have ever witnessed.

Another time one of his friends sister came over, she and I went swimming, we were over 1/2 way across the lake when she decided she couldn't swim any farther. I ended up dragging her and swimming the remainder of the way because we were closer to the other side of the lake than the side we were staying on. In order to get us back to the campsite, I temporarily stole a boat, got her back to the tent, and had my boyfriend and his buddies return the boat.

As an adult, what sticks with me the most though, is that while everyone was out at the campfire partying, I was in the tent, with a flashlight, studying for my government exam!

I don't know what possessed me to be so determined to continue with high school. With the conditions I was working under most kids would have given up, but, I seemed to have a gift of survival that was beyond anything reasonable.

I graduated, certainly not with honors, but I made it through. Following graduation I was again told I had to leave home, and my parents set a deadline for when I needed to be out. I searched everywhere and couldn't find a place to live, primarily because I was only 17, and unable to sign a contract, and nobody wanted a tenant my age.

My mother and father began searching with me. My father even offered the landlords to cosign the lease for me, but, nobody would rent to me.

On the deadline day my parents drove me to the YWCA in downtown Detroit. All I knew about Detroit was the riots, that there was extreme racial tension, and that it wasn't a safe place to walk around, let alone live.

We walked into the lobby, were the only white people in the building, and I waited on a bench with my suitcase in hand, while my father went to the front desk to check me in. I sat looking around, feeling frightened, despised, and hopeless.

Fortunately, they must not have had room there for me to stay because my father came back and told me to get in the car. Even though I still didn't know what was going to happen to me, I remember feeling relief that I wouldn't be sleeping there that night.

Had my boyfriend been around, he would have helped me, but, he went into the service with the hopes of me joining him when I turned 18. I believe he was stationed in Texas at the time, and I'm surprised now when I think of it that I didn't run away to be with him.

I was actually relieved when my parents dropped me off at the Red Roof Inn. I remember the price of the room at that time was $55 though! They didn't have any single, less expensive rooms available until the following week. I didn't know how many nights I was going to be able to afford to stay at a hotel, but, it was a roof over my head and it was warm.

I didn't have a working automobile, my engine had blown a few weeks prior, so I called a friend and arranged a ride to work.

After I unpacked, I sat down on the bed and cried my heart out. I was in shock that my parents could be so callous, I'm still shocked that they could be, and I was scared for my life.

Being put into these types of situations repeatedly as I was, I was becoming incredibly self sufficient - although there were many, many, problems I have had to overcome to pay for this type of self sufficiency.

An unhealthy, seat of pants, self sufficiency is not what I want or need anymore. I obviously wasn't shown what it was to be responsible and respectful towards myself and I've recreated many dramatic situations in my adult life to reenact the treatment I received as a young adult. Not because I wanted to reenact it, but, because its all I knew to do at the time.

One of those situations I've created that isn't my healthiest, is to purchase a second home. I currently own two homes while I should only be affording one. This is not the first time I've done this. For some odd reason one home is not enough for me. Even though each time I've owned a second home, I have rarely been able to use it. Its as if I'm saying, "I will never be homeless again," yet, if my financial picture does not get into some reasonable order, it is very possible that I could find myself homeless one day.

I continue to recreate stressful financial situations that put me back into the position of feeling/being powerless. For example, I've over purchased on my home. I chose to purchase a home that was over twice the mortgage payment of my first home. I stretch myself to the breaking point financially - then work to prove that I can overcome the problem.

Its time I recognized that I'm not that young woman anymore. I didn't deserve to be treated so inhumanly by my parents, I don't know all the reasons they chose to act like that. I didn't deserve to have to live on the street at such a young age. I didn't have control over their actions at that time, but, I have control over my actions now.

I need to realize that its okay for me to be financially safe. I don't know it feels like not to be afraid, thus, I create situations of fear. Why? Because that's what I know. I've been sticking with what is comfortable to me - not comfortable in that it feels good, but comfortable in that I know what I need to do to create these feelings of fear and chaos.

Sometimes, I refer to Maslows hierachy of needs to see where I'm at in my life. Maslow himself said that poverty results from one of these needs being denied or neglected. As I look today, I find that I am still on step one and that I'm struggling on getting to the safety step. Each time I've achieved safety in the past, I've quickly created a new situation that has insured that I dropped back down to the first step.

I'm ready to do whatever it takes to accept safety into my life - even if I'm uncomfortable with it. I know I need it and I finally know I deserve it.

GOALS VERSUS WISHFUL THINKING

At the end of my husband and my third financial meeting, we had it on our agenda to write out our joint goals. This was something that I thought we would enjoy doing, however, it became one of the more heated discussions of tonights meeting.

My husband's goals were to travel whenever he wants, golf whenever he wants, have 1.4 million in a retirement account, pay off all our debts, to be prosperous, etc.

Whoa, 1.4 million in the retirement account! How about something that's attainable, or something I can comprehend? How will you know if you're traveling whenever you want? What determines prosperity? How will you know if you've even met your goal?

I struggle with writing what I call generic goals. Goals that have no real beginining or end. I want to be able to track whether I'm successfully working towards achieving my goal or not. I'd like to be able to actually cross a goal off the list when I've reached it. I want to know exactly where I'm headed and when I arrive.

Fortunately, my husband was able to work with me in writing out some very specific goals with the understanding that when we meet these goals, more goals will be written. Hopefully, someday, he'll be able to golf whenever he wants to, but, in the meantime, I need to know exactly what we need to do to get him to that position.

Our list of goals:

• Pay off our outstanding loans.
  
• Pay off our outstanding credit card debt.
  
• To have an emergency fund of $35,000
• To determine ways to produce a passive income of $2,000 per month or greater.
  
• Determine how much we need to save for our retirement.
  
• To continue to be financially responsible.

I SEE PROGRESS ALREADY!

I just found this great website to track my progress. Its nice to be able to see it all in one place, I hadn't even realized that I'd paid down $2,910 of my debt already. www.ncnmoney.com

Financial Document Organization

As I've brought up several times in my blog .. . . I've not been paying attention to my finances and/or maintaining any sort of order, protection, or understanding of my financial picture:

However, that's changing! A large part of the change I am needing to make is making sure that I know what I need to know to be more financially responsible.

One area of this transformation has to do with bringing up to date, and/or maintaining current documentation of all areas that pertain to my financial picture. Based on an outline of document needs that has been outlined by Suze Orman, these are the documents I am currently working on bringing up to date, and organizing in one contained, financial packet.

CREDIT REPORT/CREDIT DOCUMENTS

• Up to date copies of my three credit reports
  
• Photocopies of active credit cards, front and back with 800 service # visible.
  
• Copies of letters closing old credit cards.
  

PERSONAL DOCUMENTS

• Birth Certificates
• Copy of Driver's Licenses
• Passports
• Marriage Certificate
• Child Support Documents

HOME OWNERSHIP

• Deeds
• Promissory Notes
  
• Home owner's Insurance
  
• Co-ownership Property Agreement
• Fire Insurance
  
• Copy of Survey
• Copy of Title Policy
  
• Appraisals/Evaluations of valuable items (jewelry, artwork, etc.)
  

AUTO DOCUMENTS

• Auto Titles and/or Leases
• Auto Insurance Policies
• Auto Loan Documents

INSURANCE DOCUMENTS

• Life Insurance Policies
  
• Health Insurance Card (Copy) Benefits Description
  
• Long term care policy (we don't own this yet, but, need to discuss purchasing. Having watched my mother this is not something we should be without. )
  
• Long term disability policy
  

SOCIAL SECURITY DOCUMENTS

• Annual Social Security statement (supposed to compare W-2's to statement)
  
• Social Security Card/s
• Photocopies of spouses and children's Social Security Cards

RETIREMENT PLAN

• Pension plan summary description, annual plan statement & annual individual pension benefit statemtnt.
  
• Money purchase/profit-sharing plan documents
• Beneficiary designations
  
• Retirement account Withdrawals
  

INVESTMENT DOCUMENTS

• Treasuries/Series I/Series EE/Notes
• Stock Certificates
  
• CD's
• Annuity Contracts
• Stock Option Grant Agreements
• Asset List
• Copies of All Investment account applications and agreements
  

ESTATE PLANNING DOCUMENTS

• Advanced directive and durable power of attorney for health care
  
• Financial durable power of attorney
• Will
• Pour over will
• Revocable Living Trust
• Contracts of funeral or memorial arrangements
• Documentation of prepaid fees to cemetery and/or funeral home
  

TAX RECORDS DOCUMENTS

• Tax returns for past 3 years
• Documentation of home-improvement records
• Documentation of medical expenses
• Documentation of donations to charities
  
• Documentation of investment expenses
• Documentation of employee business travel & entertainment
• Documentation of higher education expenses
• Documentation of student loan interest payments
• Documentation of real estate taxes, mortgage interest, closing costs.
  

Some of these documents I have. . . .somewhere. Others of these documents I need, but don't have. Many of these documents are things that I need to take care of in order to have an understanding of what is happening now and in the future. And, so importantly, several of these documents are things I need to initiate to protect my spouse, family, and myself should anything happen to either my husband or I.

I'm so happy to be able to finally say, I have a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, an Advanced Health Care Directive, and Durable Power of Attorney for Finance for both my husband and I. I recently filled out and ordered these estate planning documents on line at www.legacywriter.com for $34 and then went to Michigan 1st credit union and had them notorized.

Although being financially responsible feels like an enormous project, I am committing, in writing, that I will continue to take responsibility for myself and my finances.

Who Am I and Where Do I Live?

Having seen a copy of my credit report with Transunion last week, I decided to order my reports from the two remaining credit bureaus, Experian and Equifax. This information is free at www.annualcreditreport.com., everyone is eligible for a free credit report once a year.

What an eye opener. The name they have me actively listed under is a name that I used 28 years ago when I was married to my first husband. My current name is listed under former name. There are business/corporate accounts posted under personal, and business addresses posted as my residence,etc. What a mess! No wonder they can't figure out where I live.

One credit agency claims I have no negative accounts. Another states that I've been 120 days late on a mortgage payment and have 9 negative accounts!

My credit reports are 15, 24, and 27 pages long! Even though I feel overwhelmed with the amount of work this may take to get this straightened out, I feel grateful that I have the willingness to even address it.