CFM - Day 21

Did not set an alarm this morning, woke up at 8:30 am. Felt dizzy and disoriented, unstable on my feet. Not sure if having a reaction to medicine or not. I'm taking 24 hour allergy and cough medicine.

Anyway, I'm going to force, make, push, whatever myself to get back into action today. I'm feeling much better and I need to take some action steps with myself and my business. Its been many days since I've been to the gym and I'm wanting to get a workout in. Have a date with my husband this evening also since he'll be going out of town for a week beginning Sunday.

Word of warning/reminder to self: in the past when my husband goes out of town, my food goes downhill. I have a tendency to not take care of myself. I do not want this to happen this time and I will take the steps necessary to insure that this doesn't. One thing I can do is to make sure my refrigerator is stocked with foods from my eating plan. I can cut up vegetables in advance so that they are ready for me to just grab. I can make dishes and freeze them so I can pull them out when I'm ready to eat. The bottom line is that I need to make a plan for myself and my self care.

Also, since we gave the cleaning pe0ple notice, I need to figure out a way and/or schedule for my husband and I to clean our home.

Finally, I'm wavering on whether or not I should take a math class in addition to the two architecture classes I'm taking. I'm concerned that if I don't take a math class I'll put myself behind in the architecture program. On the other side, I'm afraid that I'll be taking on too many classes. Hmm. Since I'm 50/50 on this issue, I'll flip a coin and see what I should do.

I did well with my food today. I ate all of the portions I should have, I went over on hommus and grain, BUT, I didn't eat anything with sugar, I maintained my blood sugar levels and I was able to overcome a mild mental sugar craving. Worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and did 15 minutes of abs.

Still fighting with husband though. We seem to be stuck in this battle regarding criticism and taking care of yourself. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but it does seem to be getting better. Hopefully we're picking up some useful tools or information along the way so we can better maneuver our way through this issue. Mine, I need to get softer, his, he needs to toughen up.

I believe I need to start attending Overeaters Anonymous again to deal with my eating problem. Hmmmm

CFM - Day 19

Woke up at 4:30 am, obsessed about the remaining M&M's! Waited until my husband got out of bed to go get them and bring them back to bed with me. This is really sad. I know that if it was a bottle of liquor I could say "I'm a drunk" and get help, but, this is a bag of m&m's - who would believe that this is such a problem. Once my mind is stuck in the obsession there seems to be no way for me to get off it.

Other foods I ate today, grapes, about 2 pounds, sushi, a protein shake, miso soup, teas. Still feeling sick and hoping to feel better in the am. No exercise today.

CFM - Day 18

Stuck at home with a cold and fever. Foods way off - so far off I'm not even going to bother. Incredibly, I tried all day to overcome my sugar cravings, but, at 8pm I ended up going out and getting 2 14 oz bags of peanut m&m's. What a druggie!? I could not stop myself and didn't or don't have enough tools in place to get outside help to stop me. This is ridiculous. Of course, the sugar is going to, in the end, make me feel worse. I know this and I don't have enough to stop this on my own. I hate this part of me. I ate the 1 14 oz bag and than part of the 2nd bag.

CFM - Day 17

Set alarm for 7am, got up at 8:15. Had a 9am appointment though so was rushing around to get ready. Had a shake, packed a shake, a peach, a pear, and 1/4 cup of nuts. Forgot my lunch though. Damn. Oh well, went to my meetings, didn't take a lunch break, and now I've returned home feeling weak, and tired. I've eaten the lunch I packed and am hoping to regain some energy soon. My son and his girlfriend are on their way over to visit and I'm needing energy. I'll grab a cup of coffee and see if that helps me at all.

CFM - Day 16

I have a sore throat today and am not feeling to well. Husband and I sat down and made some financial decisions together. 1. Take our home off the market. 2. Pay the balance past due (about $15,000) from our retirement account 457. 3. Rent out our condo on the detroit river. 4. Have a garage sale next weekend. 5. Do an inventory of our artwork and sell it at a local gallery. 6. Reduce our current monthly expenses by appx $1000. 7. Husband to check out a different gym (we pay $200 month) that charges $50 month, I will go to the gym at the college I'll start attending later this month - free. 8. Stop the cleaning service for $200 a month. 9. I have to cut out my internet clothes shopping (appx $500 month). There's $850. 10. Possibly get rid of cable $100 month. 11. Husband to cut his own hair with #2 saving $70. 12. Cut coupons 13. Use less electricity (I leave a LOT of lights on) 14. Cut down on our gas use - double and triple up where we're going. 15. Trade in one of our cars for a smaller car. 16. Cut back on eating out $200 a month. 17. Refinance both of our houses (? savings)

I think by us taking these steps husband and I can get some of the stress off of us a

CFM - Day 15

Off the plan completely today. Was up until 3am fighting with husband and felt hungover and drugged this morning. Emotionally hungover. Went to dentist before I had anything to eat, went to grocery store with the intention of eating sugar, bought sushi, nuts, oatmeal raisen cookies (12 oz), m&m's (12 oz), hommus, and wheat crackers. Came home, took the sushi, cookies and m&m's up to bed and have been in bed the ENTIRE day. Its now 8:30 pm and I have not gotten out of bed. I'm full, I feel sick, I am actually laying on my stomach on an angle because my stomach is too big and full to lay directly on it. Yuck. Don't want to exist. Don't want to make any effort. Don't want to be responsible for myself right now. I just want to disappear. I feel depressed.